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by My Wife
"A plant or animal that lives in or on another from which
it gains sustenance or protection without returning any benefit,
and perhaps doing harm to its host."
- Webster's Pocket Medical & First Aid Dictionary's
definition of a parasite
July 13th, 2002
Let me start out by saying
this - I am childfree by choice.
I have never wanted children.
Even while my childhood friends would play with baby dolls,
I couldn't see the allure. I had a perfectly wonderful childhood
myself. Therefore, I am not "bitter" or "jealous"
or anything of the sort. I do not envy people with children.
I respect their choice as long as they realize just that - IT
WAS A CHOICE!* That said, I am going to give a perspective that
may surprise, shock and, yes, perhaps, enrage some of you. There
are women out there who do not want children and have no "biological
clock" or "maternal instinct". I am one of these,
and after surfing the web and seeing how many clubs, websites
and organizations there are for those choosing to remain childfree,
I can see I am far from alone. (I am not referring to those
who are physically unable to reproduce. This is about choices,
freely made.) Please notice, I use the term childfree, not childless.
Women have many reasons for not having children.
Either they just do not like children (yes, there are people
out there who do not!), they are happy with their life and/or
career the way it is, or they are environmentally aware. The
population is exploding at an unbelievable rate. According to
the US Census Bureau, the world population as of today, 7/12/02,
is estimated at 6,236,734,998. This overpopulation must stop;
breeding, especially more than once, must be seriously reconsidered.
Again, choices.
Without much thought I can see that today's children
are far more important than children of my generation. Our parents
obviously did not care that we played with toys that could mutilate
us in a hundred different ways (lawn darts come to mind, as
well as those two glass balls at the end of a string that we
used to swing so they would "clack" when they came
together). Yet, somehow, most of us managed to be intelligent
enough to avoid the pitfalls of such toys. Or, we were just
damn lucky. Our parents also did not mind that we were subjected
to news reports of a very violent Vietnam War, and saw movies
and cartoons that today's parents would have apoplexy over.
Also, I might point out, we were not guarded as closely as Fort
Knox with a broken door. No. We were told "Don't talk to
strangers". Yup, that was it.
Okay, that semi-rant out of the way, on to the
real reason for this essay. When you see a Childfree couple,
do not assume that they are unhappy or counting the steps to
the nearest fertility clinic. Truth be known, it has been estimated
that by 2010, there will be a 44% increase in the amount of
child free couples (this info supplied by a book called "The
Childless Revolution - What it means to be Childless Today"
by Madelyn Cain. Check it out before you force friends, co-workers
or family members to listen to your lectures on the joy of childrearing).
Women have discovered that they do not have to bring forth a
child to be fulfilled.
Not every living person on this planet enjoys
being subjected to other people's children. Things that seem
oh so cute to parents are usually downright annoying to other
people. I was recently in a quiet, peaceful bookstore when a
child began singing in a very loud voice. The oblivious mother
started laughing and telling her "What a lovely voice you
have! And how quickly you learned the song!" Never mind
the disgruntled stares she was receiving from other shoppers
(besides me). Oh, how I wish that much like smoke free areas
in restaurants, childfree areas would be provided. There are
others in the world besides you and your children. My favourite
is parents who will not stop talking about their children. Even
when you attempt to change the topic of conversation, there
it is, back to square one. Then we have the parents who would
wrap their children in bubble wrap if they could. And heavens
forbid they see an unpleasant movie. Guess what - life has some
little unpleasantness! How will they cope when they are 35,
their spouse just walked out and they have lost their job?
Again, I cannot stress enough that parenting
a human child is a choice. It may be that others do not share
your vision. My choice involved animals. They are my children.
I cannot tell you how I have to hold back when some mother rolls
her eyes and says "Well, that's only a dog. Try having
a real child!" Or "Are you comparing a dog to a human?"
Yes, I am. Dogs also wake you up at 2:00am when they have to
go potty. And the comparison is one of love. I love my dogs
as much as you love your child. You have no right to tell me
how I feel or love, or to devalue another person's emotions.
Family events are not the fun that they once
were for my husband and me. I have run out of maladies - I suppose
I'll have to invent some soon. They used to be much more relaxed,
and conversation was much more, well, adult. I should not have
to change who I am to feel comfortable around other people,
or be forced to watch what I say for fear someone may hear an
objectionable word. I, for one, refuse to cater solely to children.
Life should be evenly distributed - not centered on only the
children of the family.
Which brings me to another thing. Ever notice
that on news reports when an accident or incident occurs, some
one will inevitably say "4 dead including 2 children".
Why is this? Are we putting the value of one life above another?
I'm sorry, but all life is just as valuable. I am not more important
than you are, and the child down the street is not more important
than the WWII vet next door. We are all here to serve some purpose,
and I resent the implication to the contrary.
In conclusion, for those of you who are unaware of the existence
of others, or who think that childfree couples are suffering
in any way, let me offer some advice.
- DO NOT assume it is ok to bring your child
somewhere. Unless it is expressly stated, ask first.
- DO NOT assume everyone loves your child.
- DO NOT force your child on other people. Do
not insist someone hold your baby or coddle your 3-year-old.
Maybe they just do not want to.
- DO NOT ask people when they are planning to
have a child, or ask them why they don't. It is rude.
- DO NOT assume that every human on the planet
wants to listen to how little Johnny is finally potty trained
- especially at the dinner table!
- DO NOT talk incessantly about your child/ren.
Not everyone wants to hear it!
- DO NOT expect me to "watch my language".
- DO NOT assume that everyone wants a human
child. To some, animals are just as important as children.
- DO NOT belittle other people's emotions -
especially in the hard to define realm of love.
- REMEMBER that it was your choice to have children.
Not everyone shares your views, or wants the same things in
life that you do.
Before you ask, yes, I do apply these same rules to my dogs.
Comments
* - Don't even get me started on the discrimination,
tax and otherwise, that is lavished on the childfree. I just
love the fact that I am paying taxes for other people's choices.
Childfree couples should be given the tax break, while parents
should be slapped with the bill for educating their own children.
Hey, how about a tax break that goes according to the amount
of children you don't have - the highest being for childfree
couples, etc. After all, we live in an age of Birth Control,
and abortion is still legal. The choice is yours.
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