A Christmas Letter
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been
good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves
to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas.
I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas,
but we had a little problem.
- The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from
fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing.
- The 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking.
- The 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things
to the 7 swans a-swimming.
- The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2
turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to
my sled runners in bird shit.
- Mrs. Claus is going through menopause.
- All 8 of my reindeer are in heat.
- The elves have joined the Gay Liberation Front.
- And some people who can't read a calendar have scheduled
Christmas for the 5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and
bring you the things you want. This year I suggest you get your
ass down to Walmart before everything is gone.
Sincerely,
Santa Claus
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