Devine Tech Support
"Excuse me, sir."
"Is that you again, Moses?"
"I'm afraid it is, sir."
"What is it this time, Moses. More computer problems?"
"How did you guess?"
"I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember?"
"Oh, yeah. I forgot."
"Tell me what you want, Moses."
"But you already know. Remember?"
"Moses!"
"Sorry, sir."
"Well, go ahead, Moses. Spit it out!"
"Well, I have a question, sir. You know those ten things
you sent me."
"You mean the commandments, Moses?"
"That's it. I was wondering if they were important."
"What do you mean 'were important', Moses? Of course,
they are important. Otherwise I wouldn't have sent them to you."
"Well, sorry, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate
them, but of course you would see right through that."
"What do you mean 'you lost them'! Are you trying to tell
me you didn't save them, Moses?"
"No, sir. I forgot."
"Well, my son always saves, Moses."
"Yeah, I know. You told me that before. I was going to,
but I forgot. I did send them to some people before I lost them
though. "
"And did you hear back from any of them?"
"You already know I did. What about the one guy who said
he never uses 'shalt not'. Can he change the words a little
bit?"
"Yes, Moses. As long as he doesn't change the meaning."
"And what about the guy who thought your stance was a
little harsh and recommended calling them the Ten Suggestions
or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?"
"Moses, I'll act like I didn't hear that."
"I think that means, 'no'. Well, what about the guy who
said I was scamming him?"
"I think that is called 'spamming', Moses."
"Oh, yeah. I e-mailed him back and told him I don't even
eat that stuff and I have no idea how you can send it to someone
through a computer."
"And what did he say?"
"You know what he said. He used your name in vain. You
don't think he might have sent me one of those plagues and that's
the reason I lost those ten things, do you?"
"They're called viruses, Moses, not plagues."
"Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me.
Can we just go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my
back taking them out and reading them each day, but I never
lost them."
"We'll do it the new way, Moses."
"I was afraid you would say that, sir."
"Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?"
"You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward
the computer."
"It's a mouse, Moses. Mouse! And did you do that?"
"No, I decided to try the technical support first. After
all, who knows more about this stuff than you, and I really
like your hours. By the way, sir, did Noah have two of these
mice on the ark?"
"No, Moses."
"One other thing. Why didn't you name them frogs instead
of mice, because didn't you tell me the thing they sit on is
a pad?"
"I didn't name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call
yours a beatnik if you want to."
"Oh, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh, sir? I
bet some woman told him to call it a mouse. After all, wasn't
it a woman who named one of the computers Apple?"
"Say goodnight, Moses."
"Wait a minute, sir. I am stretching out the mouse and
it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten things have
come back."
"Which ones are they, Moses?"
"Let's see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image'
and 'Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor's wife.' "
"Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another
set of stone tablets. How does 'Same Day Air' sound?"
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