Dog Pet Peeves
- When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg
humping.
- Blaming your farts on me. Not funny.
- Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG!
- How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over
everything while you're gone. Have you noticed that your toothbrush
tastes a little like cat butt?
- Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out.
Exactly who's walk is this anyway?
- Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop
it.
- Yelling at me for rubbing my butt on your carpet. Why'd
you buy carpet?
- Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.
Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
- How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both
know the truth, you're just jealous.
- Dog sweaters. Hello! Have you noticed the fur?
- Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know
why we chew things up when you're not home.
- When you pick up the piles in the yard. Do you realize
how far behind schedule that puts me?
- Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then
acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.
- The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog!
What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.
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