The Grievance
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:
- I do physical labor.
- I work at great depths.
- I plunge head first into everything I do.
- I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
- I work in a damp environment.
- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
- I work in high temperatures.
- My work exposes me to contagious diseases .
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Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments
you have raised, the administration rejects your request for
the following reasons:
- You do not work 8 hours straight.
- You fall asleep after brief work periods.
- You do not always follow the orders of the management
team.
- You do not stay in your designated area and are often
seen visiting other locations.
- You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured
and stimulated in order to start worrking.
- You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your
shift.
- You don't always observe necessary safety regulations,
such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
- You will retire well before you are 65.
- You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave
your designated work area before you have completed the assigned
task.
- And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly
entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking
bags.
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