The ABC's of Ex Girl Friends
(I don't know who wrote this one. All I know is that for
the public's sake I hope he is in a very nice white padded room
in a smart jacket with eight foot wrap around sleeves. I'm not
sure if this is funny or just plain disturbing. - Vikar)
A is for Arteries. You
know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because
she really didn't care for you, you twit; she was only after
you for money and could have given a shit about you.
B is for Bitter. Who me??
No fucking way! I really do hope things between them work out.
I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little
devils and her hips get huge...the size of Kansas...and his
eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and
old together and then DIE!
C is for "Call Ya
Later." She won't. She never did.
D is for Dumped. Does D
really need to be explained?
E is for Eating like a
Pig. (Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm
not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice
place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine
restaurant. Then she ate more than Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle
Roy, the one with the mustard stains on his tee-shirt and the
worn out suspenders that he used to keep his trousers up because
they didn't make belts in his size). So you flip the bill and
are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were
unable to call her that week and go see movies.)
F is for Friends. That
is what she wants to be. As if you can stand to look at her
ugly fucking face.
G is for Guns. And yes,
there is a waiting period!
H is for Horny. Remember
when she looked nice and even had a personality?
I is for I Still Hate Her.
Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.
J is for Jim. That is her
new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car? Doesn't Jim have
a better job? Why does Jim date her? Jim can do so much better.
I hate Jim.
K is for KILL!
L stands for Love. It is
a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and
is shared upon by both parties. L
also stands for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the
last people that actually believe in Love.
M is for Mephistopheles.
She is his agent.
N is for Necrophiliac.
She didn't move much, did she?
O is for On Top. When she
is on top, she has another O word!
P is for Pill. She said
she was on it. She lied!
Q is for Quitter. She couldn't
last.
R is for Rich Little Bitch.
She bought my love, but I paid for it.
S is for Steve. Steve is
the guy that was sleeping with her while we were dating. Steve
is a bad person.
T is for Torture. Torture
is what she did. She tortured you with truth. She tortured you
with lies, too. She even tortured you with whips and handcuffs.
U is for Understatement.
Saying you hate the fucking bitch is an understatement.
V is for Voluptuous. That
is the primary reason you dated her in the first place.
W is for Wine. Wine is
expensive. She loved wine. She got drunk awfully slow though.
After too much wine she liked to fuck. But after too much wine
she puked.
X is for Xylophone. X is
always for Xylophone.
Y stands for You Suck!
Remember when she screamed that at you?
( I do not know what happened to Z. I do not know what happened
to us)
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