Are you Crazy? SCT (Standardized Crazy Test)

1. If two people come up to you and ask you for the time, you:
   
   
   
   1. Eat them
   2. Eat their dog
   3. Give them the time
   4. Invoke Satan to eat them
   5. Repetitively scream Gaelic curses
      
   
   If you chose a, b, d or e you are Crazy!
   If d. The prince of darkness is inside you.
   If c. then you most likely own a watch.
   
   
2. Upon being asked are you crazy you respond:
   
   
   
   1. No, I am not crazy
   2. Yes, yes I am crazy
   3. Roll your eyes and make a sound of emphatic disgust
   4. What is Crazy? Craziness is defined as deviation from normality, an aberration so therefore crazy could be having a successful career where your asshole boss isn't up your ass all damn day to come home to a fucking family that will not mock and scorn at your solemnity and appreciate you as a person. Or a computer that will not break down every five minutes or a car or a McDonald's employee that will get the damn order correct. That is crazy! Is that crazy? Then you tear your hair on head out by the root and seek to destroy the world, as we know it.
   5. By continuing to knit sweaters for your pet cockroach
      
      
   If you answered b. then you are crazy
   
   
3. If your cat begins to speak to you in tongues, you:
   
   
   
   1. Run for your life.
   2. Bash it over the head with the largest object in the immediate vicinity.
   3. Give it catnip and a little toy.
   4. Respond with various demonic speech of your own and continue about your business.
   5. Take it to your friendly local veterinarian.
      
      
   Whether you chose a, b, c, d or e does not matter. If your cat is talking to you at all you're definitely Crazy!
   
   
4. In your baggage, airport security will most likely find:
   
   
   
   1. A body
   2. half a body with teeth marks unassailably galvanizingly similar to your own
   3. flaming skulls clog dancing
   4. a goose
   5. Half a goose with some of your teeth still attached to it. See answer b.
      
   
   Only test at home kids.
   
   This test was fabricated by a monkey with an inconveniently oversized brain.
   It must not be taken seriously. Even though if you are reading this you probably are somewhat clinically psychotic and you best get cat nip for your cat or it may not talk to you anymore. Satan compels you.
   
   P.S. Don't smoke crack...with a spoon
   
   
5. Konishika ash a nono la faka la ba ma nashetala ka?
   
   
   
   1. What?
   2. Yes I would like some cookies.
   3. Shut up!
   4. Nami fee I go KO no by la sha Rae DA
   5. Yo mamma
      
      
   If this test is still making any sense you are Crazy!
   
   
6. What would you like for a snack?
   
   
   
   1. Chicken butt
   2. Irish feet
   3. Hot smoking coals
   4. Long stretchy pieces of sun burned skin and mountain dew
   5. Angel's wings
      
      
   If you chose skin and mountain dew you are Crazy! Mountain dew? Eeooow yuck.
   
   
7. If you had one wish you would wish for:
   
   
   
   1. Mountain dew
   2. A truck of bird poo
   3. Poo on you
   4. Slimy squid tentacles wrapped in a thick gooey layer of mucus.
   5. Service from verizon wireless
      
      
   Eeeeeeoooow yuck verizon wireless.
   
   
8. If you could go to any "when" you would go:
   
   
   
   1. to the future
   2. to the past
   3. when verizon wireless collapses
   4. when verizon wireless collapses onto mountain dew
   5. A few minutes ago when I was not reading this.
      
      
   If you chose "E" you are quite smart. If "D" then you are brilliant. If "C" then you must be hoping mountain dew collapses onto verizon wireless, I understand. Any other answer is unacceptable! UNACCEPTABLE!!
   
   You should stop reading this now. I will keep writing but it would be to your best interest for you to stop. Immediately. Before any more detrimental blows are dealt to your brain.
   
   
   Decided to stay, you are crazy!
   
   
   
9. Do you have any bad habits, do you...
   
   
   
   1. Bite your nails
      
   2. Bite your feet
      
   3. Bite other peoples' feet
      
   4. Fortuitously invoke Satan to join you in delightful feet biting excavations.
      
   5. smoke crack with a spoon
      
      
   There is a simple and easy solution to end all these officious pesky annoying little things that you do. You just stop doing them (put the Twinkie down get the feet out of the mouth) get up and go to the couch for some TV and junk food, you lazy bastard.
   
   Or if you are too lazy even to not do something (you lazy bastard) then there is another alternative for lazy bastards just like you.
   
   You have what is generally known as L.A.B.S. syndrome (lazy ass bastard syndrome) found through years of observation and experimentation. By "generally known", I mean known to me, and by "concocted through experiment and observation", I mean just now made in my head.
   
   You could....
   
   
   
   1. Stop doing them
   2. Keep doing them so much that you stop
   3. Put a small firearm to the side of your head and....
   4. Get a donkey a saddle and ride around in circles for thirty minutes.
   5. Repeat step d. when necessary as many times as necessary.
      
      
   Time to add up your score.
   
   
10. How many times where you confused?
    
    
    
    1. Never
    2. Once
    3. Twice
    4. What?
    5. Where are my cookies?
       
       
    Do you still like Verizon wireless?
    
    What about mountain dew? Crazy lazy bastard!
    
    Add the times you got angry to the amps of volume of your stereo and the brightness of your television divide by the color of your skin and do a little dance.
    
    You have been officially admitted to the board of the crazies.
    
    You may keep dancing if you like.
    
    I said KEEP DANCING!
    
    A small robot has been designed for you and should fit snuggly inside the left side of your brain. Another should be collecting all the spoons from your house and replacing them with mind control cookies. Or just normal cookies.
    
    Enjoy the cookies. Hehehe.

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