Baby Pictures
The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to
use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the
proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said,
"I'm off. The man should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. I've come to......"
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,"
Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good!
I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in
and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we
start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub,
one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes
the living room floor is fun too....you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work
for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every
time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot
from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the
results."
"My, my, that's a lot of ..! ! ." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time.
I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed
with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly. The photographer
opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby
pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the
park to get the job done right. People were crowding around
four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened
in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more
than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and
yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached
and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began
nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed
on your um...equipment ?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set
up my tripod so that we can get to work"
"Tripod??"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam?.....Good
Lord, she's fainted!!"
|
