Doctor Stories
Here are a collection of doctors' stories that could be
urban myth. Just the same, they are amusing. - Vikar
"A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off
her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs,
and I was in the wrong one."
--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an
elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed.
Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
"One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart'."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual
acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart
and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand."
He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left."
Again, a flawless read.
"Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't
even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there
with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish
the exam.
--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every
six hours and now I' m running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
instructions include removal of the old patch before applying
a new one.
--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How long have you been bed-ridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why,
not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So,
how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't
seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil
packet labeled "KY Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
And Finally . . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he
had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam
suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He
looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry.
Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling
was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
--won't admit his name
|
