Dog Prayers
Dear God,
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell
one another?
Dear God,
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the
same old story?
Dear God,
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE
is named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around?
We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be that hard to rename the
Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?
Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest, and no human hears
him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic
energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands
to get in?
(No, dogs get a "Go Directly To Heaven" card.
Do not pass "Go". Do not collect $200. Go directly
to Heaven. - Vikar)
Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God,
Here is a list of a few of the things I must remember to be
a good dog:
- I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after
they throw it up.
- I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just
because I like the smell.
- The sofa is not a face towel.
- The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
- Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable
way of saying hello.
- I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
under the coffee table.
- I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering
the house.
- I will not throw up in the car.
- I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick
my crotch when company is over.
- The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and
he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
- And God, when I get to Heaven, can I have my testicles back?
Sincerely,
The Dog
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