Effective Inspection
Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams
who have arrived in Iraq?
They're all men!
How in the name of the United Nations does anyone expect men
to find Saddam's stash? We all know that men have a blind spot
when it comes to finding things. For crying' out loud! Men can't
find the dirty clothes hamper. Men can't find the jar of jelly
until it falls out of the cupboard and splatters on the floor....
and these are the people we have sent into Iraq to search for
hidden weapons of mass destruction?
I keep wondering why groups of mothers weren't sent in.
- Mothers can sniff out secrets quicker than a drug dog can
find a gram of dope.
- Mothers can find gin bottles that dads have stashed in the
attic beneath the rafters.
- They can sniff out a diary two rooms and one floor away.
- They can tell the lid of a cookie jar has been disturbed
and notice when a quarter inch slice has been shaved off a
chocolate cake.
- A mother can smell alcohol on your breath before you get
your key in the front door and can smell cigarette smoke from
a block away.
By examining laundry, a mother knows more about their kids
than Sherlock Holmes. And if a mother wants an answer to question,
she can read an offender's eyes quicker than homicide detective.
So... considering the value a mother could bring to an inspection
team, why are we sending a bunch of old men who will rely on
electronic equipment to scout out hidden threats?
My mother would walk in with a wooden soup spoon in one hand,
grab Saddam by the ear, give it a good twist and snap, "Young
man, do you have any weapons of mass destruction?"
And God help him if he tried to lie to her. She'd march him
down the street to some secret bunker and shove his nose into
a nuclear bomb and say, "Uh, huh, and what do you call
this, mister?"
Whap! Thump! Whap! Whap! Whap! And she'd lay some stripes across
his bare bottom
with that soup spoon, then march him home in front of the whole
of Baghdad. He'd not only come clean and apologize for lying
about it, he'd cut every lawn in Baghdad for free for the whole
darn summer.
Inspectors??? MY FOOT!! ... You want the job done? Call my mother!
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