It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the
old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.
The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they
could mean anything!
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1. If you have
set yourself on fire, do not run |
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2. If you spot
terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are
Vin Diesel, yell really loud. |
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3. If you spot
a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder |
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4. If your building
collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued. |
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5. If you are
sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about
it instead of seeing a doctor. |
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6. Use your flashlight
to lift the walls right off of you! |
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7. The proper
way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and
at least one (1) armless hand. |
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8. Michael Jackson
is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead,
dead eyes, run the fuck away. |
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9. Hurricanes,
animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common.
Think about it. |
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10. Be on the
lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they
tend to rub their hands together manically. |
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11. If a door
is closed, karate chop it open. |
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12. Try to absorb
as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region.
After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become
sterile |
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13. After exposure
to radiation it is important to consider that you may have
mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head. |
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14. If you've
become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember
to close the window. No one wants to see that shit. |
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15. If you hear
the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio,
cower in the corner or run like hell. |
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16. If your lungs
and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until
they stop. |
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17. If you are
trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting. |
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18. If you lose
a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to
look for it. |
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19. Do not drive
a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood. |
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20. A one-inch
thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against
radiation. |
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21. Always remember
to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least
you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you
die. |
