Gun-Toting Granny III
(No gun though, sorry)
By Bob Wallace
April 14, 2003
Charges were dropped yesterday against Ruth "Grammy"
Gordon, an 83-year-old wheelchair-bound grandmother, who was
originally charged with assault and battery, and assault with
a deadly weapon, because of an altercation she had last week
with six
airport security guards, that left all six hospitalized.
"Justice has been served," said the 95-pound mother
of three and grandmother of six, as she sat in her wheelchair,
aided in her breathing by an oxygen bottle. "Now I'm going
to sue every fool in the federal government for ignorance, stupidity,
and just plain general
incompetence. I'm an American, and I won't be treated like this."
The problem began last month as Gordon was attempting to board
an airplane. "These guys are supposed to be some kind of
professionals," she said, "but they're dumber than
rocks. Here they were letting guys who looked just like terrorists
walk through without searching them, and then they pull me aside
and tell me they're going to search me? I
don't think so."
According to one witness, Bud Cort of Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio,
one guard, who weighed about 300 pounds, looked like he was
drunk, and had his shirt out, told this woman she couldn't board
the plane unless they searched her. He was really rude. That's
when the trouble started.
Videotapes showed that Gordon ran the guard down with her motorized
wheelchair, then sat on top of the screaming man while spinning
her chair in circles. "Doofus was so fat he couldn't get
up," said Gordon with a giggle. One guard who attempted
to pull Gordon's wheelchair off of the screaming man from behind
was hit over the head with an oxygen
bottle and knocked unconscious.
A third guard, who approached Gordon from the front, was also
left dazed on the floor. Witnesses said she was cackling, "
Put your hands on an old lady, will you?" as she bashed
both guards. The tape also showed a fourth guard attempting
to grab Gordon's wheelchair. Gordon removed a knitting needle
from her purse and stabbed him in his left buttock.
"What a wimp," she told reporters. "He started
screaming and grabbing his butt and running like a puppy that
someone kicked."
"It was amazing," said another witness, a Scott Ryan.
"The whole crowd just stood there cheering and clapping.
I mean, she was whupping butt."
A fifth guard that attempted to grab Gordon had the seat of
his pants set on fire with a cigarette lighter that had escaped
detection. "He just went whoosh across the concourse, screaming
and slapping at all these flames flying out of his rear,"
said Ryan. A sixth guard did finally manage to get Gordon in
a body hug. "I think that was the wrong thing to do,"
said another witness, who declined to be identified. "She
just grabbed him by his greasy hair with one hand and cracked
him across the jaw with her skinny fist. And down and out he
went."
After all this, Gordon's chair was still sitting on top of the
first guard. The tapes clearly showed her leaning over and yelling,
"Apologize to me, you fat sumbitch, or when I'm done with
you you'll just be a greasy spot on the floor!"
As the crowd roared, the guard cried, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Uncle! I won't do it again!" Finally, Gordon surrendered
without further incident, and was taken to jail and released
on her own recognizance. "We didn't have any choice,"
said an unidentified officer of the
court."Over 200 people showed up to support her. I think
if we had demanded bail, there would have been a riot."
Over 20 lawyers offered to defend her for free. However, realizing
the precariousness of the case, Gordon was not charged with
anything. "I doubt there's a jury in the whole country
that would have found her guilty of anything," said one
of the lawyers.
"I'm flying again tomorrow," Gordon told reporters.
"And I suggest no one at the airport so much as look at
me wrong."
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