Ken's Letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for
changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical
and career changes.
In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks
were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion
choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you
of some issues concerning Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs
and desires.
First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie
DOES NOT deserve preferential treatmen; the bitch has EVERYTHING!
I, along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have
a dream house, Corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases, the
ability to change our hairstyle. I personally have 3 outfits
which I am forced to mix and match at great length. My decision
to accessorize my outfits with an earring was my decision and
reflects my lifestyle choice.
I, too, would like a change in my career. Have you considered
"Decorator Ken", "Beauty Salon Ken", or
"Out of Work Actor Ken"? In addition, there are several
other avenues which could be considered such as:"S&M
Ken", "Green Lantern Ken", "Circuit Ken",
"Bear Ken", "Master Ken". These would more
accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open new markets.
And as for Barbie needing bendable arms so she can"push
me away", I need bendable knees so I can kick that bitch
to the curb. Bendable knees would also be helpful for me in
other situations- we've talked about this issue before.
In closing, I would like to point out that any further concessions
to the blonde bimbo from Hell will result in action taken by
myself and others.
PS. Barbie can forget about having Joe; he's mine, at least
that is what he said last night.
Sincerely, Ken
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