Lessons Learned
(apparently) By Dave Barry
(My father passed this along to me via e-mail. I don't know
if this is really Dave Barry or not. Remember, once bitten,
twice shy.)
- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and
a laxative on the same night.
- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the
human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full
potential, that word would be "meetings."
- There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness."
- People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- You should not confuse your career with your life.
- Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- Never lick a steak knife.
- The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
- You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see
an actual baby.
- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other
people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is
age eleven.
- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of
age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background,
is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above
average drivers.
- A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is
not a nice person.
- Your friends love you anyway.
- Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone
amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built
the Titanic.
- Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and
it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they
turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
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