A Letter from Mother
DEAR SON,
JUST A FEW LINES TO LET YOU KNOW I AM STILL ALIVE.
I AM WRITING THIS SLOWLY AS I KNOW YOU CANNOT READ VERY FAST.
YOUR FATHER HAS A NEW JOB, HE HAS FIVE HUNDRED MEN UNDER HIM,
HE WORKS AT A CEMETARY.
YOUR SISTER MARY HAS HAD A BABY, I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S A GIRL
OR A BOY, SO I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE AN AUNT OR AN UNCLE.
YOUR DAD WANTED TO MAKE SOME CIDER SO HE WENT OUT AND SHOT
500 WOODPECKERS.
BY THE WAY, THE LAST PAYMENT FOR GRANDMOTHER'S CEMETARY PLOT
IS OVERDUE. I NEED YOUR HELP PAYING IT. IF WE CAN'T PAY THE
BILL BY THE TWENTIETH - UP SHE COMES.
IT'S BEEN SO WINDY OUR CHICKEN HAS LAID THE SAME EGG THREE
TIMES.
I TOLD YOUR DAD I WANTED A COAT OF FUR SO HE WENT AND BOUGHT
ME A DONKEY JACKET.
MUST CLOSE NOW DEAR SON,
YOUR LOVING MOTHER.
PS.I WAS GOING TO SEND YOU £5 BUT I'VE ALREADY SEALED
THE ENVELOPE.
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