The Boston Red Sox Suck Jokes
Taken from SoxSuck.com.
(These were shamelessly stolen. There are somethings that
are too funny not to share.)
(October 15th, 2004 Update - A Red Sox fan angrily
wrote in about these jokes. After calling me a couple of choice
names, he mentioned that these jokes were old and merely substituted
team names for Yankees and Red Sox. I, of course, responded
with only the date of 1918 and refused to sink to his level.
However, he did have a point. The jokes were not really unique
to the Red Sox. So, I've added a few that are. Enjoy.)
(October 17th, 2004 Update - Due to an overwhelming
demand on Red Sox Suck Jokes. I've composed some more (yes,
the first few were mine). This is great especially after the
falling apart of the Red Sox last night.)
(October 28th, 2004 Update - Holy Cow!!! They actually
won one! I offer my sincerest congratulations to the Red Sox
and their fans. You guys deserve to bask in the lime light for
a brief moment. You won 8 games in a row post season and showed
persistence in the face of long time misery. This is from a
Yankee fan. So when reading these jokes, look at them from a
historical view. Enjoy. The curse did not raise its head this
year and the trend has been broken from 1918.)
Q: What do Derek Lowe's pitching and a spiderweb have in common?
A: One hit and they fall apart.
Q: Why is the monster green?
A: Envy from Yankee wins.
Q: Why does Stephen King go to Red Sox Games?
A: He likes horror stories.
Q: What's the difference between the Boston Red Sox and the
Boston Strangler?
A: One chokes only in October.
Q: Why can't the Red Sox count backward from 20?
A: They stop after 1918
Q: What's the free give-away on Ted Williams Day at Fenway?
A: Ice Pops
Banes of Boston:
Q: Why did Fenway Park build seats over the Green Monster?
A: So Bucky Dent could find his home run balls.
Q: Why is a paternity test never necessary for Pedro Martinez's
parents?
A: Because everyone knows who "Pedro's Daddy" is.
Q: What's the difference between a Titanic survivor and an attendee
of the last Red Sox World Series win?
A: You may still be able to find a living Titanic survivor.
Q: What do Trot Nixon and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They both wear a glove on their right hand for no apparent
reason!
Q: What do the Red Sox and lawn furniture have in common?
A: They both fold and end up in the cellar after Labor Day!
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Boston
Red Sox fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they
were Red Sox fans, too.
Not really knowing what a Red Sox fan was, but wanting to be
like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however,
one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the
crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because
I'm not a Red Sox fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a Yankees fan.", boasts the
little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.
She asks Lucy why she is a Yankees fan.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Yankees fans, and I'm a Yankees
fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she
says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad
was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd
be a Red Sox fan."
Q: What is the difference between a Fenway Frank and a Yankee
Frank?
A: You can get a Yankee Frank in October!
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in Central Park when
one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler.
Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it
down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes
over to interview the boy. "Young Rangers Fan Saves Friend
from Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Rangers fan," the little hero replied.
"Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were,"
said the reporter. "Yankees Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific
Attack" he continued writing in his notebook.
"I'm not a Yankees fan either," the boy said.
"I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Rangers
or Yankees. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Red Sox fan," the child replied.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
"Little Bastard from Boston kills Beloved Family Pet."
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to
the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?"
The man answers, "241."
"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk
about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the
universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Next, Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What
is your IQ?"
The lady answers, "144."
"That is great!", says Albert, "We can discuss
politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!".
Albert then goes to another person and asks, "What is
your IQ?"
The person answers, "51."
Albert ponders this for a moment, and then smiles and says,"GO
RED SOX"!!
There were two men, one was a Red Sox fan and the other was
a Yankees fan.
These men were both madly in love with the same woman. So the
woman challenged that whichever man does a better job at having
sex with her would be her boyfriend.
Both men accepted the challenge.
That night, the woman had sex with the Red Sox fan and then
the other night had sex with the Yankees fan. The next day the
woman chose the Yankees fan to be her boyfriend.
Shocked and outraged, the Red Sox fan asked why she didn't
choose him.
She replied by saying, "You, like your team not only come
up short but always finish early!"
Did you hear the Red Sox are moving to the Phillipines?
They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!
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