Telemarketer Insomnia
LOUISVILLE - The federal government's do-not-call list
has saved millions of Americans from pesky telemarketers, but
Tom Mabe had to take it one step further.
The comedian and jingle writer goes on the offensive on A Wake-Up
Call for Telemarketers, his CD being released today. Last year,
Mabe traveled to Washington, D.C., for a telemarketers convention
and stayed at their hotel. He waited until the wee hours of
the morning -- then started dialing.
Telemarketer: "Hello. Hello."
Mabe: "Hi, this is Tom Mabe. I'm calling
on behalf of the Telemarketers With Insomnia Foundation. How
are you doing this evening sir?"
Telemarketer: "Excuse me?"
Mabe: "This is Tom Mabe. I'm calling with
the Telemarketers With Insomnia Foundation. We call you at this
hour only so you can better understand what these poor telemarketers
with insomnia go through."
Telemarketer: "You're an idiot."
Mabe: "Sir with your help, we can help some
of these telemarketers get some rest."
Telemarketer: "You're an absolute idiot."
Mabe: "I don't appreciate you calling me
an idiot."
Telemarketer: "Well I don't appreciate being
called at this hour. You're an idiot."
Before the phone slams down, Mabe asks the increasingly agitated
victim for his credit card number.
Mabe, 36, said that while he was commuting from his Louisville
home to Nashville to write jingles and television theme songs,
most of his inspiration struck at night, leaving him to sleep
during the day. When the phone rang, almost every call was from
a telemarketer.
"They wouldn't take no for an answer," Mabe said.
"I tried to be nice, but nothing worked."
Eventually, he started luring telemarketers into embarrassing
and awkward situations with his quick tongue. That provided
the material for his first two comedy CDs.
Mabe revisits the gag on his new disc. He asks one caller to
wait a moment while he sees who is at the door. Listeners then
hear Christmas carolers, followed by a series of shotgun blasts
and murderous shrieks.
Mabe then asks the confused telemarketer -- who was selling
a service that pays your credit card bill if you are incapacitated
-- whether the system works for people in prison.
"Telemarketers tell you that they are just doing their
job, but some of them will rip you off," he said. Anyway,
"telemarketers hate telemarketers."
Admittedly, the no-call list has cut into his act. But as telemarketing
evolves, so will Mabe.
"I'm going after (spam) e-mail next," he warns. "I
have no idea how, but I'm going to get them."
|
