True Brit
AndyInAPickle sent these from Brittain. For those of us
Yanks who are not keen on Brittish Slang and/or Cockney, Please
note the following: Wellies are rubber boots, knickers
are underwear, and the A13 is a main road. - Vikar
An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners.
She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow
afternoon to pick up my dress," she says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"No," she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
Essex girl enters a sex shop and asks for a vibrator.
The man says, "Choose from our range on the wall."
She says, "I'll take the red one."
The man replies, "That's a fire extinguisher."
An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped
and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you
some questions. OK?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Sharon."
Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
Sharon: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Sharon: "I'm from bleeding Romford, mate."
An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang.
It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle,
I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong
way on the A13. Please be careful!"
"It'! s not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's
hundreds of them!"
Another Essex girl is involved in a serious crash, there's
blood everywhere.
The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till
she's lying flat
out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Girl: "OK."
Medic: "OK the how many fingers am I putting up?"
Girl: "Oh my God! I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl
notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is
wearing.
She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being funny or nuffink,
but why doz one of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva
one's got an R on it?"
So the Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and
replies, "Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one
with the R on it is for me roight foot and the one with the
L is for me left foot."
"Cor blimey! ," exclaims the Essex girl, "So
THAT'S why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them."
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