You Know You Are A New Yorker When...
- You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.
- You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just
because there are seats available. You and the other three
passengers look at each other and know you have pure grit.
- You take the train home and you know exactly where on the
platform the doors will open that will leave you right in
front of the exit stairway.
- You know what a "regular" coffee is
- It's not Manhattan, it's the "City".
- You get upset that a cabbie is obeying all the rules of
the road
- Someone passes out on the train, you mistakenly think he
is dead and complain that he had to die on your train because
this is going to make you late!
- The rurals scare you, but..
- You're willing to take in strange people as roommates simply
to help pay the rent.
- There is no North and South. It's uptown or downtown. If
you're really from New York you have absolutely no concept
of where North and South are.
- You cross the street anywhere but on the corners yelling
at the cars for not respecting the fact.
- You move 8,000 miles away, spend 10 years learning the
local language and people still know you're from Brooklyn
the minute you open your mouth.
- You return after 10 years and the first foods you want
are a "real" pizza and "real" bagel.
- A 500 square foot apartment is large.
- Your co-worker commutes 45 minutes by train to a 2,000
square foot house in the suburbs that was the same price as
that same 500 square foot apartment of yours that takes only
35 minutes to get to and you think he's a sucker.
- You know the differences between all the different Ray's
Pizzas.
- You are not under the mistaken impression that any human
being would be able to actually understand a P.A. announcement
on the subway.
- You know who Dr. Z is.
- You have at least 50 menus in your apartment, two thirds
of which you have neither ordered from nor even heard of.
- You wouldn't bother ordering an pizza in any other city.
- You know that the off the shelf insecticides are just laughing
gas to the superior roaches cohabitating with you in the 500
square foot apartment.
- You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose
from the 4 major food groups: Chinese, Italian, Mexican or
Indian.
- You're not in the least bit interested in going to Times
Square on New Year's Eve.
- Your internal is permanently set to know when Alternate
Side of the Street parking regulations are in effect.
- You know what a bodega is.
- You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically,
so that you can read it on the subway or bus without knocking
off other passenger's hats.
- Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.
- You don't even notice the nice lady walking down the road
having a perfectly normal conversation with her self.
- You pay "only" $230 a month to park your car.
- You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like
the city in Texas
- The presidential visit is a major traffic jam.not an honor.
- Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you. (They
take up all the parking spaces!)
- You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop.
- You look forward to riding the subway to read the next
installment of "Marisol and Julio".
- The deli guy gives you a straw with any beverage you buy,
even if it is beer.
- You know that the plural form of you is youse. Of course
it is!
|
