The Male Rosetta Stone (Translations)

1. "I'M GOING FISHING":
   Translated: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and sit in a boat with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
   
   
2. "IT'S A GUY THING"
   Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
   
   
3. "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
   Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
   
   
4. "UH HUH, SURE HONEY," or, "YES, DEAR."
   Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
   
   
5. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
   Translated: "I haven't the foggiest idea."
   
   
6. "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST, I HAVE LOTS OF THINGS ON MY MIND."
   Translated: "Is that woman over there wearing a bra?"
   
   
7. "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
   Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
   
   
8. "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
   Translated: "Are you still talking?"
   
   
9. "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
   Translated: "I remember the theme song to "F-Troop," the address of the first girl I ever kissed, the license plate numbers of every car I've ever owned, I just forgot your birthday."
   
   
10. "I DUNNO...I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND I GOT YOU THESE ROSES..."
    Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
    
    
11. "OH, DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
    Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."
    
    
12. "I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
    Translated: "...and I sure hope I think of some soon."
    
    
13. "I CAN'T FIND IT."
    Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
    
    
14. "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
    Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
    
    
15. "I HEARD YOU."
    Translated: "I have no idea what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't find out."
    
    
16. "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
    Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and I realize it could be worse."
    
    
17. "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
    Translated: "Oh God, please don't try on MORE clothes."
    
    
18. "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE"
    Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again.

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