'Twas the night before Christmas
And all was so fine
I decided to celebrate
With a small glass of wine
The kids were all snuggly
Asleep in their bed
So locked in their dreams
They appeared to be dead
In my flannel pajammies
With the raggedy bow
I smiled as I reached
For that glass of Merlot
I was taking a sip
When I heard the first crash
And I thought to myself
Those damn dogs found the trash
Jackknifed from the couch
Mumbling curses galore
I snatched up the slingshot
As I raced for the door
What I saw in the yard
In the light of moon glow
Made me Gulp down my wine
'Stead of sipping real slow
My eyes full of wonder
I surveyed the mess
Of a fat man in red
Who'd just come to a rest
A sled on the lawn
Was a huge mangled heap
What was left of the reindeer
Made me just want to Weep
Running back to the kitchen
And grabbing the wine
I thought to myself
Getting smashed sure sounds Fine!
Back out in the yard
The fat man in red
Lurched to his feet
And eyeballed his sled
He looked at the roof
And shook his head sadly
"How COULD I have
Miss-navigated so badly?"
The names of his reindeer
As he looked all about
Were not uttered Fondly
As he started to shout
"Hey Blitzen, grab Rudolph
And rip off his nose
I've a mess to clean up
I need something that glows!"
By now I was gulping
The wine just like water
My eyes were crossing
I was starting to totter
Fat Man turned to face me
"Pardon all of this mess Ma'am,
I'll deliver your presents
And, then, we'll just Scram."
"Here's the card of my agent
You have my Assurance
This damage is covered
I DO have Insurance!"
As I out down my wine
And reached for Mylanta
It hit my fogged brain
That, this man was Santa!
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He lugged out a sack
Slung it onto his back
Came t'wards the front door
And, eyes wide, I stepped back
As he placed the gifts carefully
Under the tree
The wine kicked in Hard
And I smiled with glee
"Hey! Santa!" I said
"Share a glass of good cheer!"
But he looked at the wine
Saying he preferred Beer
I brewed up some coffee
Poured myself a big cup
Then I voiced to Santa
"Should I wake the Kids up?"
But, Santa said "Nah!
Let 'em sleep through the night.
My sled's wrecked in you yard
Much too gruesome a sight!"
The lights on the tree
Made a beautiful glow
As he placed all the gifts
And, made ready to go
The, spying the stockings
Hanging over the fire
He crammed them with goodies
Filling each of them higher
Then reaching for coffee
He took a long sip
Saying he needed caffeine
It had been quite a trip
He went to the yard
And jumped in his sled
His smile was Joyous
'Cause his reindeer weren't dead
He shook the reins smartly
As he called out their names
His joy overwhelming
When he saw they weren't maimed
He said "Merry Christmas!"
As they left Christmas Eve
And shouted his thanks
To those who Believe
C.F.Wagener
Christmas 2002
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