Wacky Ways To Order A Pizza

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. As the person taking the order to stop doing that.
   
   
2. Make up a charge card name. Ask if they accept it.
   
   
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
   
   
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
   
   
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
   
   
6. Answer their questions with questions.
   
   
7. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
   
   
8. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
   
   
9. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
   
   
10. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
    
    
11. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
    
    
12. Tell the order taker your depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
    
    
13. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern that follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
    
    
14. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say, "Bedwetter's camp, right?"
    
    
15. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right say, "Okay, That'll be $10.99, please pull up to the first window."
    
    
16. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say, "yes", heave a sigh of relief.
    
    
17. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream good-bye at the top of your lungs.
    
    
18. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
    
    
19. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate it if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
    
    
20. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
    
    
21. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say, "Where was I? Who are you?"
    
    
22. As what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
    
    
23. Act like you're ringing the police. Report a petty theft.
    
    
24. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
    
    
25. Start the conversation with "My call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, aaaaannnnd.... ACTION!!"
    
    
26. Be vague with your order.
    
    
27. When they repeat your order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
    
    
28. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
    
    
29. State your order and say, "That's as far as this relationship is going to get."
    
    
30. Ask if they're familiar with the term, "spanking a pizza". Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
    
    
31. Learn to play a blues riff on a harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
    
    
32. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say, "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
    
    
33. Haggle.
    
    
34. Order a one inch pizza.
    
    
35. Dance all around the word "pizza". Avoid saying it at all costs.
    
    
36. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell, "OW!!" when a bullet is fired.
    
    
37. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
    
    
38. Order a steamed pizza.
    
    
39. If the order taker gets too annoyed, pout and say, "The last guy let me do it."
    
    

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