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NOT by George Carlin
"You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth. I
don't like words that hide the truth. I don't like words that
conceal reality. I don't like euphemisms or euphemistic language.
And American english is loaded with euphemisms. Because Americans
have a lot of trouble dealing with reality. Americans have trouble
facing the truth, so they invent a kind of a soft language to
protect themselves from it. And it gets worse with every generation.
For some reason it just keeps getting worse."
- George Carlin
"Smug, greedy well-fed white people have invented a language
to conceal their sins. It's as simple as that."
- George Carlin
July 7th, 2003
Okay, this is a newsflash.
This was not written by George Carlin
at all. If you don't believe me, check his site at www.georgecarlin.com.
He published the following statement on his site.
DON'T
BLAME ME
Floating around the Internet these days, posted and e-mailed
back and forth, are a number of writings attributed to me,
and I want people to know they're not mine. Don't blame
me.
Some are essay-length,
some are just short lists of one and two-line jokes, but
if they're flyin' around the Internet, they're probably
not mine. Occasionally, a couple of jokes on a long list
might have come from me, but not often. And because most
of this stuff is really lame, it's embarrassing to see
my name on it.
And that's the
problem. I want people to know that I take care with my
writing, and try to keep my standards high. But most of
this "humor" on the Internet is just plain stupid.
I guess hard-core fans who follow my stuff closely would
be able to spot the fake stuff, because the tone of voice
is so different. But a casual fan has no way of knowing,
and it bothers me that some people might believe I'd actually
be capable of writing some of this stuff.
"PARADOX
OF OUR TIME"
One of the more embarrassing items making the internet/e-mail
rounds is a sappy load of shit called "The Paradox
of Our Time." The main problem I have with it is
that as true as some of the expressed sentiments may be,
who really gives a shit? Certainly not me.
I figured out
years ago that the human species is totally fucked and
has been for a long time. I also know that the sick, media-consumer
culture in America continues to make this so-called problem
worse. But the trick, folks, is not to give a fuck. Like
me. I really don't care. I stopped worrying about all
this temporal bullshit a long time ago. It's meaningless.
(See the preface of "Braindroppings.")
Another problem
I have with "Paradox" is that the ideas are
all expressed in a sort of pseudo-spiritual, New-Age-y,
"Gee-whiz-can't-we-do-better-than-this" tone
of voice. It's not only bad prose and poetry, it's weak
philosophy. I hope I never sound like that.
HOW TO SPOT
A FAKE
Here's a rule of thumb, folks: Nothing you see on the
Internet is mine unless it came from one of my albums,
books, HBO shows, or appeared on my website. If you see
something with my name on it, and you really need to find
out if it's mine, post a question on my bulletin
board . But only if it's really important to you;
don't fuck around with me for a lark.
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One of the gray "desperately needs a life"
basement dwellers e-mailed me telling me not only did George
Carlin not write it but also managed to tell me that I was not
a Carlin fan. I was deeply offended.
And for the record, I can recite both his Class
Clown and AM/FM CD by heart.
This does not excuse me, though.
Many people including my wife and myself were
fooled. I beg my reader's forgiveness for not following up with
this as I should have. The words are good and the spirit is
interesting. But Carlin emphatically says he had nothing to
do with it.
However, as I do agree with the sentiment of
the faux Carlin piece, I am keeping it here for others to read.
The Faux Carlin "Paradox of Our Time" Essay
The paradox of our time in history is that we
have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but
narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more,
but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families,
more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less
sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet
more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too
recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry,
stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV
too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions,
but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and
hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a
life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been
all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing
the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space
but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better
things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've
conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less. We plan more,
but accomplish less.
We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers
to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever,
but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,
big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce,
fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips,
disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight
bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to
kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window
and nothing in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring this letter
to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this
insight, or to just hit delete.
- Remember, spend some time with your loved
ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
- Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks
up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow
up and leave your side.
- Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next
to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with
your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
- Remember, to say, "I love you" to
your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it.
A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep
inside of you.
- Remember to hold hands and cherish the
moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give
time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the
precious thoughts in your mind.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths
we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
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