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"Can you hear me now?.... Good."
- The latest spokesman from the Verizon Wireless Commercials
"It was terribly dangerous to let your thoughts wander
when you were in any public place or within range of a telescreen.
The smallest thing could give you away. A nervous tic, an unconscious
look of anxiety, a habit of muttering to yourself—anything
that carried with it the suggestion of abnormality, of having
something to hide. In any case, to wear an improper expression
on your face… was itself a punishable offense. There was
even a word for it in Newspeak: facecrime…"
- George Orwell, 1984 - as quoted from Winston Smith
"To do anything that suggested a taste for solitude, even
to go for a walk by yourself, was always slightly dangerous.
There was a word for it in Newspeak: ownlife…"
- George Orwell, 1984 - as quoted from Winston Smith
"The only evidence of the OnStar service is a fixed-mast
cellular antenna, a small GPS antenna and the three-buttons
(or a handset on older models) mounted inside your vehicle.
All other components of the system are hidden. Also, subscribers
receive a small window sticker that they have the option of
displaying that says "OnStar Onboard" or "Protected
by OnStar."
- From the FAQ page of OnStar Service (Vehicle Tracking
System)
April 13th, 2003
Cell phones are the first sign Big Brother has
taken over.
I can say this now with no reservation. For those
of you that have read my first rant
on cell phones and were given the impression that I wholeheartedly
approved of them, let me apologize now. I don't know what came
over me. Given the time I wrote the original rant, I'd guess
it had to do with the 9-11 attack and I was experiencing something
akin to post traumatic stress syndrome.
Well, now that's over. I can see clearly now,
the rubble is gone.
Since the writing of the original rant, cell
phones have grown not only in common use but in incredible obnoxiousness.
I don't own one anymore, I refuse to. I can't justify the behavior
that comes with owning a cell phone to my own conscience.
Let me give you some examples.
- It's been a long exhausting day. I've dealt
with corporate idiocy for 8 straight hours. All I'm looking
forward to now is unwinding on the bus on my ride home. I
will either read a book or try to get a 45 minute catnap.
I've been lucky enough to get two joined seats to myself on
an Academy Bus and my body is now going into shut down mode.
Just as my mind sinks into the blissfulness of the second
REM phase, I am awakened by a high pitched eardrum piercing
version of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game." My moment
of Zen has been disturbed not only by the new ringing of a
cell phone but also by the the goings on of little Suzie at
the home of the inconsiderate bastard who is sitting 4 seats
away.
Did I want to know if she had a complete bowel movement that
day? No.
Did I want to know whether or not she finished her homework
that day? No.
Did I want to know if his wife has balanced the family checkbook
today? No.
What I do know is that my sleep has been disturbed unnecessarily
and I can't get away from it.
- Or how about this one?
I'm driving down the road, keeping alert to not get hit by
an SUV or Minivan driver*, and amazingly enough, I get cut
off by a large car who hasn't signaled from the left lane.
When I drive up to see who has cut me off I can't see his
entire profile because he has his hand next to his ear while
he yaks on his portable phone.
I am proud to say that one of the things in New Jersey that
I feel is a necessary law was adopted in Marlborough**. Cell
Phones may not be used while driving through their city limits.
If you have to use your phone in Marlborough, you'd better
pull over. They will ticket you.
I won't be found talking on a cell phone while driving my
car. I drive a stick. Such an act is impossible without a
hands free device. Correction, it is possible. But only at
the expense of not being able to steer with your hands. I
understand some people have the ability to steer with their
knees. Not something I'd recommend to people who value their
lives or at the very least their insurance premiums.
- This one got me to the point of a facial tick.
My wife an I took my mother in law out to Pizza Uno in Secaucus
for her birthday. I was enjoying a great steak*** and all
was right with the world until "I Wish I Was in the Land
of Cotton" was piercingly heard at the table next to
me. 'Yeah', 'Yeah?', 'NO WAY!!!', 'NO WAY!!!!!', 'Tell me
ALLLLL about it!!!'. This went on for about 20 minutes. I
was tempted to get up and demand she pay for my steak because
I certainly wasn't enjoying it anymore. There is a price for
indigestion and the Pepcid AC people are making a fortune
off of me.
In addition to my pet peeves to cell phones,
I've had bad experiences with the one I owned. Note, I've said
"owned" - past tense. I no longer own one. I just
was not using it enough to justify the monthly cost. The first
cell phone service we subscribed to was Verizon Wireless. We
rarely used it and my wife had the service shut off in favor
for a cheaper subscriber, Cingular. We made no calls on either
of the Verizon cell phones we owned since shutting the service
off. This did not stop Verizon from continuously charging us
for the next 11 months.
Yes, 11 months.
Apparently, with Verizon Wireless, when you call
someone to shut off the service and stop receiving bills, your
phone service could still be active. For the next 3 months after
they notified us of owing over $300, they harassed us to pay
for a service we had discontinued. We never paid them and we
never will. About 10 months ago, my wife and I stopped using
Cingular. When we shut off this service, we got names and confirmation
numbers to be sure.
Many people disagree with me and my attitude
toward cell phones, however.
My buddy, Jim, can't fathom why I won't own a
cell phone. He thinks they are great. He likes knowing that
he can be reached anywhere, anytime, or anyplace. And for people
like Jim, it's perfect. I should preface this, however, that
Jim is the owner and operator of his own Internet Service Providing
company. It is necessary for the survival of his business that
he should always be reached in the event of a business emergency.
For people like Jim, it is a necessity.
For people like Agnes, the soccer mom, it is
not.
I have told Jim many times, there are just times
I don't want to be reached. I personally believe that
any conversation with a cell phone should involve any of these
words: late, death, fire, bankruptcy, burglar, police, accident,
hospital, heart attack, and help (with an exclamation point).
These conversations should not exceed 3 minutes on the phone
and should precede a maniacal drive to an immediate destination.
But let me get back to what I was originally
saying about Big Brother. I'll admit I'm a little bit of a conspiracy
nut. But as mankind's technological expertise increases faster
than its social maturity, I have reason to be. I'm a big believer
in technology. But like anything and any tool, it can be used
for good or for evil. It's only as good as the person using
it. Technology can be frightening and I have concern to be a
bit afraid.
I saw a cell phone commercial that scared the
bajesus outta me.
This is the latest wrinkle in the cell phone
marketing push: cameras and live action videos that can be sent
via cell phone. It's an interesting idea. It was neat that CNN
could show live footage by cell phone and satellite feed of
the war in Iraq. That is a real and practical application of
this technology.
That was not what this commercial was about though.
Let's go to this ad. It is used in the eye of
your typical teenage bimbo with advanced technology access.
The ad begins when the aforementioned bimbo tells her best girl
friend to keep an eye on her boy friend while she is away. The
scene then changes to a bar night spot where her best friend
is spying on the boy friend, who is now surrounded by three
other women. She whips out her cell phone live video feed and
dials the girl friend. She sees his unfaithfulness over the
phone and dumps him for a new boy friend.
Now, let's leave alone the concept of not trusting
the boy friend in the first place and the relationship itself
that was on shaky ground to begin with. I am a firm believer
than Madison Avenue has completely lost their grip on reality
and is now airing commercials on their shock value alone. Why
don't we put this in the perspective of a totalitarian worldview?
Access has been given to the average consumer
to spy on anyone they want. Let's say I want to go to a bar
and relax while having a couple of beers. Does this mean that
I should always be on my best behavior on the off chance someone
from work who is looking to get ahead by making me look bad
by taking a photo snapshot of me being drunk? Or have a picture
of me and a female coworker of mine, harmlessly in the same
place at the same time, suggest to my wife that something may
be going on?€ Or in the wrong hands of a burglar casing
out my house and telephotoing shots of my house interior to
a partner while I'm at work.
I'm not the only one that thinks this, by the
way. Many gyms in New Jersey and New York will not allow cell
phones in the locker rooms for fear of other people taking snapshots
of them au natural. Wouldn't you hate to be surfing the net
and see shots of yourself on www.lockerroomphoto.com?€€
I know I wouldn't.
The scary thing nowadays is that everyone seems
to be under surveillance all of the time. A former police officer
I know has told me that there are cameras mounted in the grills
of all of their squad cars. When someone gets pulled over the
camera goes on. Watching. This is not for just the cop. This
is for Internal Affairs to make sure that the cop does what
he's supposed to do and not let anyone off with a warning or
doesn't take a bribe.
My buddy, John, who works for Verizon, is tracked
by OnStar anytime his truck stops, it sends a signal to the
home base on where he is. That means no stopping at the deli
for several lunch breaks or at Mom's house to see how she's
doing during a work day.
I'm just not comfortable knowing that I could
be watched anytime, anyplace. The only place I'm pretty sure
I'm not watched is in my home.
Combine the cell phone with users that can be
anywhere with the OnStar Tracking System and you can be tracked
anytime, anyplace.
But that's not cell phones and I digress.
Where my last cell phone rant left off saying
that cell phones could be useful in an emergency or could help
you be found in the event of a WTC type disaster, the reality
is that no one was ever found using their cell phone signal
under the rubble. It was just a hoax.
There is still a risk of brain cancer. They still
go off in movie theaters (despite intro films telling people
to turn them off). They still are used as substitutes for non
wireless phones. I am still victim to knowing the intimate details
of strangers and cannot escape their idiocies at times. I don't
think their business is mine and I certainly think my business
is not theirs.
Is Big Brother here? Well, I think his kids are.
* - Have you noticed that majority of idiots who insist on
having cell phone conversations in their cars are driving Minivans
or SUV's. I do. It's not just because I hate SUV and minivan
drivers. I remember one time specifically, while waiting to
cross Route 9 to the Freehold Mall, I saw 3 minivan drivers
in a row - all drivers were on their cell phones.
** - Marlborough was the first in the country to adopt such
a law.
*** - Enjoying a steak is a rarity for me. As you may or may
not know, my wife is a vegetarian and I rarely get a chance
to cook steak just for myself. If I do cook steak for myself,
I usually have to cook something else for my wife as well. So,
eating steak can be a religious experience for me.
€ - This would never happen and my wife knows me well
enough that I'd never cheat.
€€ - This site does not exist... yet. And it would
not be one where I'd surf to.
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