“True to the spirit of celebrating the Star Wars saga as a whole, Burger King is also offering a set of six Destiny Watches, each themed specifically to one chapter in the Star Wars saga and packaged in attractive embossed collector tins.”
- starwars.com

“The bulk of the counterfeit game cards were discovered at a warehouse in Vernon where a company called J.S.K. International rented space. ICE obtained a search warrant for the warehouse after a vendor in downtown Los Angeles offered to sell an ICE undercover agent 250 cartons of the counterfeit cards for more than $36,000.”
- Beckett Pokemon Collector – www.beckett.com

December 27th, 2005

Collect em all!!! For a limited time, we are offering this very rare collectible perfect for the connoisseur who enjoys getting an entire set!!! This limited release of 500 will surely be worth 30 times its current value in 20 years as it continues to endure in mint condition. If you call within the next 15 minutes we'll add yet another collectible to your set giving you years to view it in a display case which will also accrue in value over the years as a one of a kind collectible!!!

Maybe someone can help me with this one.

What is it about the human psyche that obsesses about collecting? To tell you the truth I find this particularly frightening. Why? It's so subtle. People, for one thing or another, find an intrinsic need to not only find that object that brings them some limited pleasure but also to amass objects like it to complete a set.

What need does this fill? Is it that people can later sit back and say this phrase? “Well, that's it. I have them all. Now I can die knowing I have a completed set and leave this set to another person who will be happy to have a completed set.” Is this really the kind of legacy we want to leave our kids? A collection of left nostril cleaners with 20 different Shakespearian quotes?

How sad.

Or is it that they are thinking that like so many antique road shows that in 30 or 40 years, a person will say, “I bought this DVD when I was in the 2nd grade and never opened it. Is it worth anything?” Tell that to the guy who has the entire anthology of Abba on 8 track tape.

I just don't understand it. Not that I'm going to criticize anyone on this as I'm more guilty of collecting things than most other people. My DVD collection would impress most video stores. My comic book collection is on its forth full trunk load. The amalgamated collection of Sherlockian works amassed by my wife and I would be welcome in any chapter of the Baker Street Irregulars.

It is a strange phenomenon and one that has been encouraged throughout the decades not only by the modern media but by Madison Avenue and the government as well. Don't believe me? How many of the state quarters do you have? I think they come out with 4 a year making total time of collection approximately 12 and a half years. I'm pretty sure that if I hunt around a bit around my house I can find most of the states that are currently out and continue my collection. I think the hardest one to find was a the Georgia one. But that might just be my run of luck. I'm certain that the Maine quarter would be a collectible as the “old man in the mountain” tail side was featured prominently. The mountainside which made the coin famous has since fallen into ruin and no longer exists. How many of us will collect these quarters in the hopes that one of our great grand kids will use the collection to pay for his college tuition?

You see that's the problem I have with this. I don't understand the motivation behind it. Is it a matter of proper investment or is it a matter of obsessive compulsion? And if it's a matter of obsessive compulsion, why are there so many agencies that help perpetuate this illness?

It's like television. I don't care what anyone else thinks but television is bad for us. Why? Because it keeps us mindless. It stifles imagination, it makes us docile, and it makes us weak and physically inactive. Heck, I understand if you're in a hospital and are recovering from some illness, or, better yet, if you have a headache and can't read the printed word. That's okay. But television truly will rot your mind.

But what does our culture do? It encourages watching TV. We perpetuate our own downfall by making ourselves more ignorant and more dependent on other people's imaginations and make ourselves more ignorant about issues that truly concern us. And if you say, “Well, I just watch the news.” Don't fool yourself, the information you are given limits your view to the stations you watch. If you want to keep up with current events, buy some newspapers and start reading them.

But I digress.

Collecting: Why do we do it? Is it so we feel a sense of completion and accomplishment? Does that fill the void of what we are? And why is it such an effective device for businesses in the modern world?

I decided that I was going to try to do some research regarding this. I started looking for references for psychological illnesses that involved collections. The first one I came up with was bibliomania . Bibliomania is an obsessive-compulsive disorder involving the collecting of books to the point where social relations or health are damaged. One of several psychological disorders associated with books, bibliomania is characterized by the collecting of books which have no use to the collector nor any great instrinsic value to a genuine book collector.*

The purchase of multiple copies of the same book and edition and the accumulation of books beyond possible capacity of use or enjoyment are frequent symptoms of bibliomania. Now, I don't say that buying a copy of the same book over and over makes you a bibliomaniac (As I have 3 copies of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig) but if you do so frequently without the excuse of not being able to find the book amongst the clutter in your household, you might have a problem.

Well, I found that bibliomania was too specific. So, I turned my attention to another concept which seemed to fit the bill: Compulsive hoarding.

Compulsive hoarding or pathological hoarding is a term which is used to describe extreme hoarding behavior in humans. It involves the collection or failure to discard large numbers of objects even when their storage causes significant clutter and impairment to basic living activities such as moving around the house, cooking, cleaning or sleeping. I think my brother-in-law's term is best in this case, a pack rat .

Being a pack rat is horrible if you want to function within your own household. One must learn to let go of the last bit of shampoo left in the bottle without feeling guilty that it was wasted and that there are millions of children in India that go night after night with greasy hair.** Take that philosophy with the following:

• The last millimeter of milk at the bottom of the jug.
• The unusable sliver of soap that isn't large enough to use on your hands let alone on your body.
• The wrapping paper left over from last Christmas, that you spent opening ever so slowly to not rip so you might use it again… someday.
• The plastic “extra large” drinking cups you got from Burger King that would only spill in your car's cup holder when you make your first left turn.
• Rubber bands.
• The last half inch of ketchup in a bottle.
• Old empty bottles of cologne (they still smell nice but there's nothing in them to use).
• The wrinkled paper that did not print from when your printer started spitting out extras.
• Old newspapers that say “ Yankees won World Series ”. (Trust me, George Steinbrenner won't come over looking for them. A true collectible would be the Red Sox win in 2004 or the last time the Cubs won it during the last ice age. Both events are highly unlikely to happen again but worth noting in a scrap book.)
• VHS tapes that have been updated by DVD's (I note however, the collectible, The MST3K version of The Amazing Colossal Man which Bert I. Gordon (producer) had taken from the sales shelves.)
• Old clothes that don't fit anymore and are out of style.

I have to somewhat amend the old perfume bottle thing as my wife has let me know that Heloise says they are great in your sock and underwear drawer. Apparently, they keep mites away from your delicates and keep them smelling nice.

I say throw them out. But that's me.

Where all this is leading to is that there are so many people in this world that are spending money they don't have to buy crap they just don't need. More credit card limits have been passed because of the accumulation of this garbage and the stuff they buy winds up sitting on shelves unopened and unused because people are betting the ranch that somewhere along the line, they'll be able to sell them again on Ebay – to another person who will put that object on a shelf unopened and not use them. When will the madness end?

Things were meant to be used and enjoyed. I say this with some mixed feelings. I remember buying and collecting the Mego Star Trek collection with the original Enterprise (complete with working transporter). When I was a kid, I remember having not only the crew but all of the aliens as well. I enjoyed having them. I enjoyed creating adventures for Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. It was a blast and it helped cultivate a good imagination.

It's hard to compare the value of a good imagination to what those Mego figures are now worth unopened on Ebay.***

Sometimes I cry myself to sleep.

Comic books, at least, are read before being put in the plastic bag and stored. If I collect an entire limited series of a storyline, I will actually read the story for enjoyment. That's true joy. Although, I can say with all honesty that comic book collection is not the same as it was when I was growing up. The volume of comic books printed nowadays on a monthly edition is about 10 times more than it was in the 1970's. Those are the forces of supply and demand. However, if you care for these books well, they'll be worth a lot to your grandkids.

To be practical, if you buy something, use it. It's like buying a hammer. You buy a hammer, you use a hammer, and you keep using a hammer until it breaks. And, hey, if it's a Craftsman, you'll get a replacement for free. If you buy food, you eat it. If you buy toothpaste, you brush your teeth with it. Even if you can find a product that is no longer made (like the shampoo, Gee You're Hair Smells Terrific or Body On Tap (made with real beer)) the purpose of that product is to actually use it.

When did we lose site of why we actually buy things? When did we let our own mental illnesses and pressure from groups that only care in making a buck interfere with our hard earned cash? Stand up for yourself and stop buying stuff you'll never use.

* - A bibliomaniac is different from a bibliophile. A bibliophile is the master of books. A bibliomaniac, their slave.

** - No offense to East Indians. It's just a paraphrase of something parents used to say to kids when we were growing up.

*** - The last price quote I saw for the Mego Star Trek Enterprise set was about $330.