"I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things, so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it - there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones. "
- Sherlock Holmes, A Study in Scarlet

"For want of a nail the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe the horse was lost. For want of a horse the knight was lost. For want of a knight the battle was lost. So it was a kingdom was lost.... all for the want of a nail."
- The Nail

March 25 , 2007

There are times I fear for my own sanity.

I'm not sure what causes this. It could be the same sort of panic attack that hits people at 3:AM when they realize they have $30k of personal debt and they realize that dreams of greatness are slowly disintegrating before their eyes. It could be an excess of banality that comes with everyone's realization that the real reason we're here on this planet is to assist with the natural conversion of oxygen to carbondioxide while also producing fertilizer for the soil.

It could also be poor diet.

I don't know. I don't have the answer to this. We as human beings try to trudge through this existence and try to find meaning in life by asking ourselves: Why are we here? What is our purpose? Is there a God? and What's for dinner?

At least, that's what I think I'm supposed to be thinking. My mind has become, for lack of a better term, "muttled". Lately, I've been preoccupied with questions like: If the Flash could fly would he be faster than Superman? What happens when I run out of space on my MP3 player while I'm uploading a Green Day CD? If I should ever become homeless, should I try to keep my goatee or try to go for the full out crazy look? And - What is toe jam really made of?

Maybe I need to get more sleep.

However, the questions seem to have no real itinerary on when they come into my head and how long they will stay? The other night, my wife went to stay at her mother's house* over night. It is her continued prescense that helps me exorcise these things from my mind. But she was not there that night. Normally, this means I get to run around in the house with scissors screaming, "I'm going to eat ice cream ALLLL NIGHT!!!" But that didn't happen. I got home from work, messed around on my PC for a bit, watched some television and then went to bed. And for some strange reason, I could not fall asleep. The silly thoughts came to me. The thought of the inspiration to the rock group's name of "Banana Rama" came to my head and the only interpretations that came to me seemed to be very homoerotic. That internal conversation stayed in my head and would not leave until about 1:AM when Killian decided he was going to sleep on my wife's side of the bed rather than on the edge of it.

I woke up and decided to go to the toilet. I figured whatever I ate really wanted to get out of me as soon as possible. The problem with this is that the nonsense still stayed in my head. This was strengthened by the fact that I really don't keep any serious content in the bathroom. I suppose keeping a copy of the Economist would be a good idea and at least be good brainfood.

But I don't do that.

I have graphic novels of Marvel and DC comic books in there. Forget what's happening to the Dow Jones Industrial Average and why our president has yet to be checked into an institution for full blown retardation, I'm reading as much as I can about the Justice League of America. One of my favorites, which I've read and reread, is one called "The Nail". I won't go into details but it's based on the old nursury rhyme, "For want of a nail" In this case, Johnathan Kent's truck rolls over a nail and gets a flat and the Kents never find baby Kal-El. This means that the rocket ship was found by others and Superman does not come into being. It's a good story and I recommend it highly. However, it's not good brainfood. So I sat there and read "The Nail". Which caused more weird thoughts which kept me from sleeping until about 3:AM.

The alarm clock went off at 5:30†. Which gives me about 4 snoozes until I HAVE TO GET UP. Being exhausted is usually a good cure for contemplating nonsense which usually in those circumstances goes into my neurosis of whether I hit the off button by mistake and the calculation of what 9 minutes means in "dreamtime". And incidentally, is 9 minutes in dreamtime measured in the Star Trek scalosian minutes** or do we measure it in the same sense of "Time flies when we're having fun?"

Think of that next time you hit the snooze button.

My biggest problem with all of this is that by the time I get to work I have to be alert and brilliant. This won't happen without massive amounts of caffine. If I don't get to a Starbucks or a Dunkin Donuts before I get to the subway, I have the same kind of effectiveness as wall of gelatin has against stopping an oncoming MAC truck.

Unfortunately, caffine sometimes has no effect against silly thoughts. Sometimes instead of helping a person focus, it only speeds up the frequency and originality of the thoughts. For those of you who were born before 1977, it's like changing the playing speed of a 33 rpm to 72 on your record player. The thoughts are no longer about Superman and the Flash but more like these at high speed....

Why kind of cheese do homeless people smell most like? Edam, Gouda, or Bleu? Why is it that people going to work have the walking speed of a freezing glacier? What are the best processing steps to starting my computer in the morning and can I multitask better? Does my boss notice the color of my shirt in the morning and should I wear a better tie? Am I wearing the best antiperspirant-deodorant on the market or is there a chance I smell like soup? What does my dog dream about? And why is it that I can't make better use of my closet space?

If it does not stop, it could be a problem.

My best strategy against this problem is my MP3 player and J.S. Bach. Classical music for me is the "on" switch to starting the day. I start my day with Toccata and Fugue in D minor played by a pipe organ and slowly move to other piano pieces. After Bach comes Mozart. After Mozart comes Green Day Live. Then I can think again.

One has to wonder why this happens and how we can improve the quality of the gibberish we process between our ears. My wife's theory on why this happens is a good one. She says it's the brain's way of distracting us from the real horrifying things we have to contend with like: If I die by tomorrow, what will happen to my family? If I don't perform well on my job will I still be able to pay my mortgage? When will my parents die and how will I handle it? What if I don't outlive my dogs? What's that twitch I'm getting in my right eye? Which one of us will wake up next to a corpse? Me or my wife? What if I get some kind of crippling disease?

My favorite nonsense question is, "If I go blind will my friends dress me funny?" My friend Brian thought of that one and it's stuck with me for years.

I'm not a huge advocate against taking drugs. I believe that every now and then it's okay of partake of a little smoking of the whacky tobacky. I don't really partake anymore but I understand the benefits of this. Personally, I think a little bit is like a leaf blower on a fall day. All of those insane stupid thoughts that stay in part of your mind are just waiting to be blown out. And sometimes they just have to be released into the world and feed the concepts of other people. Granted, a lot of these thoughts are stupid, but there is some revelations to be had in some of them.*** And when we are in too much of a bind it can be theraputic to have a glass of wine at dinner to reduce stress.

I often think of what the last straw of the man who made a tower climb with a high powered rifle was. Maybe he didn't get the toy in his Happy Meal that day. Who knows?

Remember that when you see someone whose wound up a little too tight. Either they need to relax, need a drink, need a smoke or need to get laid. There's no nice way to say that. Next time you see someone like that ask when the last time they did a good crossword puzzle, had a nice glass of merlot, smoked something that might not have been strictly legal, or had a good f@#$. If he has that "psychotic postman" expression on his face, the answer could be "none of the above". Stress is a lifesucker and will make you less popular than a boy band at a metal concert.

As I said, It's not that I'm pro-drug, it's that I'm anti-stress. So if going to the gym is your "anti drug", you go and do that. If spending time with your friends gets you out of a funk, do that. I understand that some people write poetry or do Sudoku. Those could be your stress relievers. However if they are NOT, let the good times roll however you see fit.

Stress, nonsense, emotion, lack of sleep, and seriousness: They are all paths to insanity.

What we must remember that all...ALL.. of this is gunk on the brain. These are the cobwebs that need to be shaken out sometimes. It doesn't matter whether they are serious or nonsensical they are the static to which keeps us from performing at optimum speed. When we feed our head we're sort of like a computer program with garbage in and garbage out. If we keep to a good diet of input we may actually get a good diet of output. For those times I contemplate about spirtuality and philosophy, sometimes I can come up with a good way of living. Plus there are those times I need to concentrate on a good web design and I can't consciously do it... but if I leave my thoughts alone for about an hour sometimes I can get inspired with something brilliant.

And sometimes a little nonsense now and then can be a good thing. This all ties back to the Buddhist concept of balance and harmony. If a person concentrates on nothing but serious things all the time, he'll go crazy. If they concentrate on nonsense all the time, they may already be. However, if one can balance it juuuust right brilliance can be achieved.

It's been said that the line between genius and insanity is a thin one. What we don't know is whether it's a straight line or not.

* - My wife's mom is currently undergoing Cancer treatments and on occasion she needs to be away.

† - The clock is actually set a half hour fast. So, it was 5:AM.

** - Those of you who are not up on Star Trek TOS (The Old Series), scalosian time is a concept from the episode "Wink of an Eye". A classic.

*** - George Carlin has said in interviews that sometimes there's a window to be opened through the use of that activity. So, it's not me making this up. Smoking is something that should be done by adults over age 21 who know exactly what they are doing. Children should not do such things.