"Stupidity should be painful."
- Vikar

"Somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an 'L' on her forehead."
- Smashmouth

August 10th, 2003

Wayne sends this in. This type of submission is very much what this site is about.

However, as I have just bought of a book of popular urban myths, I can tell you that some of these definitely did not happen. But for the sake of reading some good urban myths, you'll really enjoy them.

The most frightening thing about this is that it happens!

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken Mc Nuggets.

I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.

"You don't?" I replied.

"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.

"So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"

"That's right."

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

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The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago....... I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this is?"

I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today. "

She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened!

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A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.

When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking f or a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

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I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

"Do you need some help?" I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door UN-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.

"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk.

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Urban Myth Alert!

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.

One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

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Urban Myth Alert!

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage.

The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister."

I asked the manager what had happened.

He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

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Urban Myth Alert!

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.

The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.

Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

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CONCLUSION: "Life is tough. But it's a lot tougher if you're stupid."