"A lot of the acts have been coming out here and saying 'Hello New York!' Last time I checked Giant Stadium was in New Jersey!"
- Zach Braff to thunderous applause at Live Earth (Giants Stadium)

"I got no time for the corner boys out on the street making all that noise. Or the girls out on the avenue ' cause tonight I want to be with you. Tonight I'm gonna take that ride across the river to the Jersey side. Take my baby to the carnival and I'll take her on all the rides. "
- Bruce Springsteen, Jersey Girl


"Who says you can't go home?"
- Bon Jovi

July 15th, 2007

Some people just live in a world of delusion.

Right now, I'm sitting in my study on our second floor and am sweating my pants off. As I'm doing this I'm thinking about John Stossel's idiocy about global warming. Now, a lot of people think that Stossel said global warming doesn't exist. That's wrong. That's not what he said. He essentially said that global warming won't be that bad and we'd adjust to it.

Adjust to hurricanes, tornadoes, heat, vanishing glaciers, and tsunamis. That's a good one.

I want to remind you that John Stossel is a reporter, not a scientist. Those of you who put credence in his global warming analysis may also put credence in your auto mechanic in regard to prostate problems. This, however, is not a fair judgement. Al Gore is not a scientist either. However, he has made a full study over a few decades regarding this problem and I believe that if you dedicate yourself toward a specific topic for a long period of time, it makes you more knowledgeable than an average layman.

In actuality, it has taken me two days to write this rant because the heat in my study was just intolerable and I decided it would be more productive to wait for a time when I could think of something other than, "it's just f%$#king hot." Global warming is real because it's like "Africa Hot" outside.

So, back to the rant.

My wife and I went to Live Earth last week. It was awesome. She bought tickets back in March or April and she got us floor seats for the event. At first, I was not excited about it. I thought it was just something that my wife would enjoy and I rarely go to rock concerts without there being some kind of "incident". I legitimately began to dread the event. And just so you can maybe sympathize a little, let me tell you what happened the last two times I went to a concert.

In September of 2006, my wife, some friends and myself went to see Roger Waters at the PNC Arts Center. The show was great with the exception of two things. For reasons I won't go into, we intentionally bought lawn seats. Ordinarily this would not be a problem but the entire week before the show it rained. And it wasn't just a little rain, either. There was a week of monsoon-like torrential rain for 6 solid days. It stopped the day of the show.

Now, about a million years ago, when I was a teenager, I was also a boy scout. I've always taken the motto of "Be Prepared" to heart. So, in preparing for the show, I wore a fall canvas jacket with many pockets. I took three garbage bags, some glow sticks (because, you never know when you'll need a glow stick), some No-Doze, and some breath mints (New Jersey State Troopers are notorious for stopping people at the exact wrong time and having someone in the car who can be sober is always a good idea. Having fresh breath can't hurt, either.)

One thing I should have brought was Advil.

Here's why. About a half hour into the concert, my knees started to hurt. Really hurt. Then my ankles started to really, hurt. Why? Well, when you have the choice of watching the show and seeing the concert or sitting on the ground in wet grass and missing it, most people will stand. And not to go into this too much but as part of a bit of parental abuse (My father threw a large plastic cup at my knee in a fit of anger when I was twelve in the middle of soccer season), I have arthritis in my knees. Yes, arthritis, at age 41. Also, within the last 20 years, I have managed to sprain both of my ankles and I have bone spurs floating in them. Let me tell you, I'll give any weatherman a run for his money. And when it's damp, I'm in agony.

Well, 45 minutes into the concert, after a herculean effort, my body's need to sit down overrode my need to see the show. I took one of the garbage bags out of my pocket and placed it on the ground. Then I sat on the garbage bag to rest. I was sitting peacefully for about five minutes before someone came over and spilled an entire pint of beer on me.

Breathe deep. Count to 10. Pins and needles, needles and pins, it is the happy man who always grins.

I decided that the best thing to do was to dry myself off, get myself a beer, calm down, go to the bathroom and then come back to the concert. And that's what I did. And I have to say that other than the pain and the beer bath, Roger Waters should never be missed. My wife, though, felt bad for me and wanted to do something to make up for all my pain and agony. A few months later, Roger Waters returned to play New Jersey again. This time it was at Continental Airlines Arena at the Meadowlands. My wife took this opportunity to see him again in better conditions.

And it seemed like a good idea. So, on May 29th, the four of us (Me, my wife, my wife's best friend and her husband) went to see the show.

At the intermission, the lights came on and I sat back in my chair to relax. That was when the warm stream of vomit hit my shoulder. I never saw the puker and couldn't find him afterward. All I know is that the couple next to me had to leave and I had an immediate need to buy a concert T-shirt.

So, Live Earth... third time's a charm.

Live Earth was going to be this century's first attempt at the Live Aid/Woodstock experience. This would be a series of concerts that would take place all around the world and raise awareness for global warming. No money would be raised for the concert but people would try to take more care in what they did to stop global warming. Along with all of the bands, celebrities would be there to introduce the acts. The star header and MC was the 2000 president elect, Al Gore. (Just try and get me to say that Gore lost the election... Go ahead, make my day.)

The other backstory to the concert was that the concert in the US was originally going to take place in Washington DC. However, the politician who denied the go ahead was a "creationist" who essentially did not believe that global warming was happening. Enter Bon Jovi who spoke with the owners of Giants Stadium who were only too glad to host the concert and sell concessions (at the same time as host the New Jersey State Fair). Well, elections, being what they are, caused a change in power for the "say so" in Washington DC. And, after everything was arranged at Giants Stadium, a new politician, the day before the concert, said that Live Earth could have a free concert on the DC Mall. This concert-ette starred Garth Brooks and Tricia Yearwood along with some Native American folk music bands.

Al Gore introduced Live Earth from Washington DC then flew to New Jersey to start the show there. Nice, huh?

My preparation for the concert was that since it was going to be 87°F that day, I dressed accordingly with a few tweaks. I made my own Live Earth shirt for the concert. This was done using Photoshop, an iron on transfer sheet, a white T-shirt, and a JPEG I got directly from the Live Earth site. All in all, the shirt cost me about half an hour's effort and about $5 in materials. Hey, it beats paying $35 bucks for something that was not even the same quality. A lot of people asked me where I bought it.

I wore my cargo shorts and I stuffed my contact lens case, glasses case, Crystal lite mixables, candy and Advil. I figured that I'd need to buy water there and I'd be well fleeced for that. Isn't it great to know that somethings are predictable?

I wore my contacts, a baseball hat (for the sun) and a pair of sunglasses. That's me, boy scout of troop 258. All I had to worry about was if my wife would put on enough sunscreen to not burst into flame. My reacts to the sun like a fork in a microwave. Watch any vampire movie where one of the undead walks into sunlight and you'll get a good picture of what I mean.

A few highlights:

• I enjoyed seeing Kelly Clarkston for the first time. She is, indeed, quite talented.
• Roger Waters was great... again. The inflatable pig makes all of the difference. My wife said that our running joke is that since we saw Roger Waters three times in a year, he'll get wind of it and think we're stalking him. No, we're not. (Roger, please lift the restraining order. We'll be good.)
• Melissa Ethridge was there to make a statement and was probably the first act to wake up the audience.
• And say what you want about Jon Bon Jovi, he puts on an great show. I was hoarse the next morning from screaming the lyrics to his songs.
• Rappers should never sing with the Police. It was just awkward.

This last point brings me to what perturbed me. For some reason the Live Earth people billed the act as Live Earth: New York. Although they are called the New York Giants and the New York Jets, it's been a known bone of contention that they have literally nothing to do with New York. They train in New Jersey. They eat in New Jersey. And they play in New Jersey. Both "New York" football teams, the Jets and the Giants, play in New Jersey. They are New York in name only.

Acts in Giants Stadium should be cognizant of where they are. If I had a dollar for every bad that said "Hello New York City!!!!" Um, no, sorry. New York City is 4 towns over and through a tunnel or over a bridge. If you needed to go over a bridge or under a river in a tunnel, you were no longer in New York City.

You're in New Jersey. East Rutherford to be exact. A person traveling from New York City would need to go through the Lincoln Tunnel, through Weehawken, through Union City, through Seacaucus (Route 3) to East Rutherford. There would also be an abscense of an Empire State Building, a Grants Tomb, a Times Square, or a Wall Street.

The dead giveaway is the road next to Giants Stadium that says New Jersey Turnpike.

Yet, despite all of the tell tale signs some of our more urban geographically challenged artists, like Ludicris, came out on stage and said, "HELLO NEW YORK CITY!!!!" And they wondered why the New Jersey crowd didn't applaud until Jon Bon Jovi and Zach Braff said, "HELLO NEW JERSEY!!!!" The fact that Roger Waters and Sting, both Brits, knew the audience and greeted the audience properly makes the American performers that did not more shameful.

Now, I know what you're thinking. I'm making too big a thing of this. Trust me, I'm not. There are too many times that New York gets credit or attention to things that New Jerseyans should.

Let's take 9-11. While it is true that 9-11 took place in downtown New York and that New York Firefighters died in the disaster. The strife and anguish that New Jerseyans were completely overlooked. Here's a trivia question: What direction was the wind blowing in on 9/11/2001?

South. Guess who was breathing the toxic crap afterward. New Jersey.

While New Yorkers were on high alert in New York City and the subway systems, the real targets the bridges and tunnels to where? New Jersey. How did New Jersey commuters get to New York when Homeland Security would issue a code orange?

Hey, do you know where half of the Hollywood Celebrities are from? Take a guess. An abnormal amount are from New Jersey. Jack Nicholson, Merryl Streep, Bruce Willis, Bruce Springsteen, Jon Bon Jovi, My Chemical Romance, Zach Braff, Eddie Murphy, Whitney Houston, Kirsten Dunst, Abbott & Costello, Jay & Silent Bob, Keith Olbermann, Richard Gere, Calista Flockheart, Susan Sarandon, Walt Whitman, Woodrow Wilson as well as others are all from New Jersey.

And we get crap all because of 6 miles of bad road on the New Jersey Turnpike. It's ridiculous.

Yes, I know it sounds psychotic. It's a Jersey thing.

Ask Kevin Smith.