"I don't want her! You can have her! She's too fat for me!"
- She's Too Fat For Me - Polka by Ross MacLean and Arthur Richardson

"I'd rather marry a homely woman than a pretty woman."
"Why?"
"A pretty woman is lible to run away."
"So is a homely woman."
"Yeah, but who cares?"
- Abbott and Costello

April 4th, 2004

I gave this speech for my parent's fortieth wedding anniversary. As I am the oldest child, the honor fell to me. 40 years is a long time to be with the same person and I wanted to highlight that fact in the speech - Vikar

40% of all married couples within the U.S. end in divorce. The divorce rate for married couples with children is 28%.

To start an anniversary celebration with divorce statistics is usually a bad thing but I wish to underline how amazing it is to have two people stay with each other as a married couple. To do it for forty years in this day and age is mind boggling.

Okay, all together now, my parents have been married for forty years (conduct) AND THEY'VE NEVER HAD A FIGHT..... that involved exchanged gunfire.

But seriously, my parents have seen it all. Richer, poorer, sickness, health... love, honor, well not so much on the obey side, but you can't have everything. They've seen their kids grow up and make families of their own. How many couples can say that? And they were good parents.

Now, how can I say that? Let me tell you, I have thought about this over the last decade or so while I've watched friends start up families and try to make their ends meet.

I can say the following:

  • I've never gone to bed hungry.
  • I had a roof over my head - and what's more, while growing up, I've never thought I'd ever be homeless.
  • I've never had to pay for my education.
  • I can say, "My dad was a scout master."
  • I had pets.
  • I knew that if I were sick at school, mom worked close enough to pick me up and take care of me.
  • The kids could go to all of their after school activities and become well rounded.
  • Grandkids always had a babysitter.
  • I was spanked when I needed it. How many kids in this new millenia can say that?
  • I played with lawn darts.
  • I had a work ethic. My parents let me have a paper route. I learned what it meant to be responsible.
  • It was inconcievable for my father to be out late at a bar, or partying until the early hours of the morning.
  • Before I went to college, my mom made sure I knew how to do four things: cook a meal, wash my clothes, sew a button and iron a shirt.
  • To live a balanced life. To work some, and play some, and to always keep my home life as a priority.
  • I had space when I needed it.

Of course, it hasn't been all "peaches and cream". A 1994 car accident in Florida that left my father in the ICU and my mother with bruised ribs was a huge test on their marriage. I remember hearing that my father's brain was damaged and it had affected his ability with social skills.

Of course, my reaction was, "How fortunate. He's damaged a part of his brain he never used to begin with."

But seriously, It was not known whether my father would ever be the same or whether he'd be able to continue to support his family. My father spent about a year in physical therapy at the Kessler Institute learning how to function again. Mom held down the fort. This was with a handicapped daughter, a son out on his own, and a daughter in college. Mom went back and forth from Howell to the Kessler Institute in Newark everyday until he was better. And through all of that uncertainty, with the love and support of his family and friends, Dad was able to make a full recovery.

There is no illusion with my parents. They are how you see them. They are an old married couple.

And what does that mean? They have a love that has matured like a fine wine: Rich and bold with a strong flavor and full of character. They are lovers and they are best friends. They are parents and they are grandparents. They are the couple you can't forget to have at the dart party and the couple you always see at church.

Mom and Dad have always made good impressions upon my friends. Even now, when I bump into friends I haven't seen in years, one of the first things they ask me is, "How are your parents?" or "Do you remember that party we had when 20 of us stayed at the house and your parents cooked breakfast?" or "Those camping trips we went on with your dad. A double feature at a movie theature, dinner in the camper and a game of trivia pursuit."

Mom and Dad have shown us that there are lies, damn lies, and divorce statistics. And we are here with them today because they have truly put the gold in the golden years of their marriage.

So, raise your glasses now for a toast to my parents, who celebrate 40 years of marriage. Remember how wonderful that drink tastes today, because it will be better for their 60th anniversary.