"Reading? I didn't know you could read."
- Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

"Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself."
- Hermione Granger from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

"It is not our abilities that show what we truly are ... it is our choices."
- Professor Dumbledore from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

"I'm not interested in what the witches have to say, I have no truck with them. I am willing to meet them in an open forum and my Pentecostal power will destroy them."
- Pastor Ross Rennie, outspoken Church Leader

June 28th, 2003

This inadvertently turned into a Rant: ReRant with Mr. Wizard. Literacy at stake is always a popular topic.

Vikar's Commentary

This happens with every installment of the Harry Potter books.

Idiots from the Christian community come out of the woodwork to condemn J.K. Rowling and her stories. I remember when "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" came out a couple of years ago and Christian Leaders were organizing a good ol fashioned book burning with Harry Potter hardcover editions as their kindling.

What a waste.

"Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire" (Year 4) is seven hundred and thirty five pages of enjoyable reading and was going for $25 a copy, hardcover. I know. I bought two copies the morning it came out for half price at Sam's Club - one for me and one for my wife. I'm certain book burning can be an expensive practice for those who wish to finance such an activity. I'm also sure if the Church leaders of the south wanted to organize such an endeavor they burned more than one book. Those copies add up to big cash which eventually winds up in the pockets of J.K. Rowling and Scholastic Publishing anyway.

Remember that fact the next time your church asks you for donations and passes around the basket on Sunday.

Such nonsense drove me away from the religion I was born into.

So, speaking of nonsense, I'd like you to read this article published recently about Pastor Ross Rennie.

"Pentecostal power", huh.

Where does one acquire Pentecostal power like his? Is one to be bitten by a radioactive Pentecostal and fights witches with his Pentecostal abilities? Was one rocketed from planet, Pentecostal, as an infant to earth so he may fight for truth, justice, and the Christian way? Or on a darker knight path... Was Pastor Ross Rennie's parents murdered by a Wiccan's cowardly bullet so he decided that pagans, witches, and Wiccans are a superstitious cowardly lot - realizing this, did he become a Pentecostal vigilante to frighten them on his one man war for Christianity?

Give me a break.

I'm sure he will use his Pentecostal might - whatever that is - to fight witchcraft. However, here is the funny part. Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling have literally nothing to do with real witchcraft. Those of us who know more than Pastor "I have been in jungles in Cambodia where spirits are prevalent" Rennie about Wicca, witchcraft, and paganism, know he is full of shit.

Also, that little yarn about Christianity giving people schools, hospitals, and doctors is very misleading. There are public schools. By definition, the separation of church and state means the church has nothing to do with public school. As far as medicine goes, let us also remember the Druids had their own forms of medicine and healing. Pagan medicines were later utilized by medical science in practical application.

One word: Asprin - The Christians didn't come up with that - the Egyptian Pagans did.

Also to say that Christianity is passive, is a load of dingos kidneys. May I remind the good pastor of the Mediaeval Witch Burnings, The Crusades, The Salem Witch Trials, and The Spanish Inquisition. The witch burnings tangentally were responsible for the black plague as cats were being burned by Christians as they suspected cats to be witch familiars. The same cats that could have stopped the rats that carried the plague. Oooops. Christianity, if anything, is antiscience. Go ask Charles Darwin or Copernicus. I think the only Christian scientists we can thank are the monks. They gave us beer and Mendelian Genetics. I think it was because they were bored.

Let me say this so that thinking people know the truth - Harry Potter is fun reading. The worst thing that will happen to the reader when he reads these books is his reading comprehension will skyrocket and he'll do better on his PSAT's someday. It also has nothing to do with real witchcraft, Satanism, or dark nasty things. People who say otherwise have never read the books.

As I'm certain Pastor Idiot hasn't.

But this should be no surprise. Observe the home of a pagan and observe the home of a Christian. Pagans typically are book lovers. If a pagan is also a witch or a wiccan many of the books are on comparative religions. Pagans are known to see more than one side of an issue and welcome discussion. Christians prefer to live in the dark as they know there is only one way. I, who grew up Roman Catholic, recollect that there were no book stores or local libraries anywhere in my town. If I wanted to read a book, I'd have to go to the Monmouth Mall - 15 miles away. My parents house, with the exception of some encyclopedias and college text books (as well as the Bible, of course) was pretty much book free.

Remember, Jerry Springer chooses idiots to be on his show - so keep reading or he'll get you.

I've just finished the latest Potter book, "Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix" (Year 5). It was great! Eight hundred and seventy pages of pure enjoyment. I bought the book the morning of the 20th and finished it yesterday. I bought two copies half price at Walmart.* The book flew off the shelves and after the first 48 hours of sales eight and a half million copies were sold. That broke Rowling's last record for Year 4. It's a little more expensive so churches will be asking their congregations for a bit more in the weekly collections to finance the next Potter bonfire.** The book is good reading and I can't recommend it enough for children of all ages.

And speaking of which (no pun intended), children are reading! When was the last time you saw a child voraciously reading the Bible? Can you picture the kid at the end of the block saying, "Well, I finished Revelations but I thought Exodus was much better." No, that does not happen. And if it does, it's not in a place I would want to even think of living.

That reminds me of a time I was visiting a friend of mine in North Carolina.

He was living in Charlotte at the time and Michael (the man who would eventually be the best man at my wedding)*** and I decided to go down for a couple of days. After one or two alcohol induced evenings, Sunday morning rolled around and three very hungover men in their mid twenties needed a greasy breakfast. So, we went to the local pancake house at 10:AM that morning.

It was empty with the exception of us and the staff.

I was thinking "GREAT! No wait for a table!" We sat down and waited to order. The clean cut Charlottian waiter came over and said that he was surprised to see us. He said that there was some friends of his that came a little earlier and he could tell that they were cutting out on services.

I, who was very much hungover and had no patience or stomach for such nonsense, replied, "Yeah, it's tough. I know that after an evening of worshipping the demon, Baal, I'll need some pancakes the next day." The waiter vanished and I didn't hear a peep from him the entire meal.

Hell hath no fury like a New Jerseyan hungover.

Anyway, back to Potter. Literacy in this day and age are very important. Today's world calls for people who can read quickly and comprehend what they've read. If that has to be done by reading things that are not - in the church's eyes - holy, then so be it, says I. When I was growing up I was assigned summer reading. I remembered many of the titles for suggested reading were, at best, boring as hell. I shutter to think of what my intellectual life would have been like if my father had not introduced me to the the Destroyer series by Warren Murphy. At the late age of 15, I was able to discover that books could be fun. I learned that it was possible to read a book and finish it in one day. It was an introduction to a love affair with reading that has not gone away.

The lesson I really learned was reading effectively comes with practice. My suggestion to educators today is to not assign dry reading materials to kids. Consider the works of J.R.R. Tolkien, the books are just coming back as popular reading due to the success of the Peter Jackson movies. I remember reading "The Hobbit" in the same summer as reading "God's Other Son" by Don Imus. These books were designed to take the reader to different places and were to be read without deep thinking. When the reader learns to do this they can recall facts and details later for further discussion.

Ironically enough, both of these books by the church's criteria would be considered burning materials.

Mr. Wizard's Commentary

Well, let me start that I, clearly, must be the devil.

You see, I grew up on such demonic initiatives as Dungeons & Dragons. This was back in the day when "role-playing" didn't mean something kinky in the bedroom; "multi-player games" were things done around a table in physical contact with others; and rulebooks were 250+ page tomes.

Oh, I also read all sorts of horror, fantasy and sci-fi by the likes of such authors as King, Saul, Bradbury, Orwell, Asimov, and of course Weiss & Hickman (of the Dragonlance saga) and Gygax himself. Surely I must be a demonic horde whose thick curly hair masks the vestigial horns.

Well, aside from learning how to read and write (try learning that from a Sony Playstation), and obtaining an overactive imagination (try learning that from a Sony Playstation), I certainly didn't become a purveyor of demon-worship. much less witchcraft or much else for that matter. I am well aware that Beelzebub and Asmodeus are mythical characters, despite how interesting it was to read about them ("The Politics of Hell" - a wonderful article from Dragon magazine back in the day).

Strangely, though, much of the popularity of witchcraft, demons, and devils was caused by Christianity.

Who burned alleged witches at the stake in the early examples of a "catch-22" before "catch-22" meant anything? Christians.
Who made up the stories of demons and devils? Christians.
Who killed millions of American Indians in the name of God? Christians.
Who ran the Crusades and the Inquisition? The Christians.

[Side note 1: Witches were burned at the stake in this theory: If they were a witch, they would die. If they were not a witch, God would save them. Oops.]

[Side note 2: Who can read the word "Inquisition" without thinking of the Mel Brooks classic, "History of the World"?]

Anyway, I have this to say: ANYTHING that makes someone want to read is a good thing. J.K Rowling should be crowned a Saint and the greatest advocate for teenage and pre-teen literacy in the early 21st century.

And if kids learn a little imagination, creativity, and that you can have fun with the Sony Playstation turned off, all the better.

And Finally... My witchy wife

One small note on Mr. Wizard's otherwise excellent re-rant.

"I certainly didn't become a purveyor of demon-worship. much less witchcraft or much else for that matter."

I would be remiss as a Witch in this day in age if I did not point out that Witchcraft has no link whatsoever to demon-worship. To mention it in the same vein degrades a beautiful, life affirming religion.

"Strangely, though, much of the popularity of witchcraft, demons, and devils was caused by Christianity."

While this is strictly true, I must point out that the image of witchcraft fabricated by Christianity is false, and that witchcraft in and of itself is nothing like what the Catholic Church would have you believe.

Just trying to clear up some misconceptions.

______________________________________________________________________________________

* - Cover price for "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" hardcover is $29.95

** - I would imagine that this is the closest way the Christians can legally come to burning witches.

*** - Michael, Brian, and I all attended a Jesuit college. I was not a pagan at that time either. I was a lapsed Catholic.