"These are not the droids you're looking for. "
- Obiwan Kenobi performing the Jedi Mind Trick in Star Wars IV: A New Hope

"Still using all your muscles except the one that counts?"
- Agent Smith, The Matrix Reloaded

"I'm so ronery."
- The Kim Jong Il puppet in Team Ameerica: World Police

July 13th, 2006

Okay, I just want to make sure that I wasn't dreaming this and that I am, indeed, working within this reality.

On July 4th, 2006, North Korea decided to start testing rockets for their nuclear program. Kim Jon Il is testing, televising, and showing actual weapons of mass destruction. His is working on the actual capability of launching a first strike on the United States of America. The tested missiles landed in the Sea of Japan. According to this month's Time Magazine, better missiles more likely to reach the US are a few years away in Korean development. And even though President Bush said that we had a process to stop the missiles if they ever got close enough to the US, it is, nonetheless, a frightening scenario.* This is real.

So, I ask you, "What is Congress doing about it?"

Well, nothing at the moment. See, they have their hands busy with much more "important" issues like adding Constitutional amendments that would define the institution of marriage, prohibit flag burning , illegalize internet gaming , and make illegal immigration as easy as going to a Walmart .

In actuality, I exaggerated somewhat. The immigration naturalization plan for illegals is a six year work program that will involve them paying back taxes to the US and they'll have a probationary citizenship. It's provided that they actually keep a job for six years and can survive on those wages.  You know something? I'd love a job nowadays that would give me six years of job security.

And when was the last time you actually saw someone in your neighborhood burning a flag? Last week? Last month? Last year?… Maybe NEVER. When was the last time a marriage broke up because the couple next door was the same sex? Gaming on the internet? Are Vegas and Atlantic City losing that much money? The only difference between online gambling and casino gambling is people spend gas money getting to one and none to the other. Not for nothing, but if you're going to gamble, be green about it.

How is it possible that our Congress is so insanely out of touch with the people that they think flag burning actually merits more time than nuclear war and weapons of mass destruction? How is it that these idiots instead of working for the common good are spending their time to do "Rove-isms" and strategically make their party opponents look like bad guys? It's time that we get these overpaid, underworked idiots out of the limelight and usher in people who actually have a f#@%king clue.

What is not being fixed are the major problems in this country. What is the importance of flag burning when in the event of a nuclear holocaust your flesh will melt off your body just as easily? What is the importance of gay marriage when our borders are not secure from terrorists? How can we have any kind of faith in our government when they can't muster up the intelligence to create a secure audit voting machine that would only require the complexity of an ATM machine?

Yeah, I know…. bitch, bitch, bitch… moan, moan, moan… yadda, yadda, yadda.

And before people come to me saying that it's not right to criticize without a solution, I have already made my commentary about offering illegals a chance to join the military to learn English, fight for this country, get paid, get their citizenship (with benefits), and become taxpayers, while we get some of our boys home to guard the borders. The fact that our government can't think outside the box is not my fault.

I won't pretend to not acknowledge the amount of fire I've been under for my view points. Hey, what can I say? I support the troops but I don't support this administration. I, along with 73% of this country, think Dubya's on the wrong track. It's the 27% of the psychotically vocal Bible literalists with a few fresh Fox News bytes that are laced with the latest plagiarized page of Ann Coulter's poison that are screaming at me. Ya know, if I read that crap, I'd be angry, too.** And while she gives President Bush an A minus rating on his job performance, she really hasn't asked any of the 9-11 families if they're happy that Dubya has marginalized the capture of Osama bin Laden - or did I miss the memo that we actually found him?

But enough about the rambling fictions of Fox News. I have a solution to curing yourself of such O'Reilly/Hannity induced nausea: Don't watch it.

Let's talk about a real crisis.

This North Korea (and Iran for that matter) situation is a matter of diplomacy. Dubya is just discovering this. When he was asked the most regrettable thing he's said in his presidency was, he stated the term he used "Wanted Dead or Alive" might have been misinterpreted .

How?

I'm pretty sure there's only one meaning to that phrase. My take on that is hunt the man who destroyed the World Trade Center and bring him back. We don't care what condition you bring him in just bring him to us - dead or alive. I'm pretty sure that's the only interpretation that could be made. Hence that is the death rattle to Bush's "cowboy diplomacy".

The important thing is to get to the business at hand. We have a hostile country that needs to be handled. Give Kim Jong Il another autographed basketball, tickets to a Knicks game, and call it a day. That'll keep him quiet. Think of Kim Jong Il as a petulant child who wants attention and you might understand why a one on one negotiation might be necessary for diplomacy. However, I can say that it's sad to see our country make Kim Jong Il as cartoonish as his Team America - World Police counterpart. The reason it worked during the Clinton administration is that the diplomats understood Kim Jong Il. They knew he wanted attention and they, essentially, made a peaceful relationship with him. We have to remember, as comical as this man is, he still has nukes and must be handled accordingly. Madeline Albright said so much in her interview with Stephen Colbert "The message we're sending is ‘If you don't have nuclear weapons, you get invaded.'" It's easy to kick someone's butt when they don't have nukes. If they do, you'd best break out the corporate grade kneepads and start negotiating.

Now I'm not saying that the US should become a mass of quivering jellyfish, but given the consequences of a thermonuclear holocaust, one would be stupid not not see the discounted price of appeasement in the form of a Michael Jordan autographed basketball and perhaps some special edition James Bond DVD's.

Bush has used all of the muscles this country has except the one that counts.

All that aside, we can see that instead of looking after the safety and forward development of this country, the Bush Adminstration and the right wing of congress see its time is better spent in talking about inane worthless prejudicial matters with a little bit of "Archie Bunker" style patriotic fluff thown in for good measure.

Do you want to know where our focus should be?  Here are our real problems: Nuclear Proliferation, Al Qaida, Domestic Terrorism, Global Warming, AIDS, and Unemployment. These are problems that will affect YOU, the reader, if they are not solved.

We have to learn to keep our eye on the problem and not be distracted by so much congressional "slight of hand".

*- Stated on his birthday interview with Larry King Live from The White House.

**- I know I'm going to Hell for saying this BUT Ann Coulter has ONE legitimate point. Surviors of 9-11 are not immune to criticism. Everyone is subject to the consequences of his or her opinion... including Ann Coulter. We do, as Americans, have the right to disagree with anyone, anywhere, anytime, anyplace. Ms. Coulter should be aware that that does, indeed, include her.