The Rules - From Men
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note ... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
- 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down.
- 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live
with it.
- 1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always
more attractive than short hair.
- 1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
- 1. Crying is blackmail.
- 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious
hints do not work! Just say it!
- 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries
on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
- 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out
of thirty, would look good with your dress?
- 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
- 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends
are for.
- 1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
- 1. Check your own oil. It's not difficult.
- 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible
in an argument. In fact, all comments become inadmissible
after 7 days.
- 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other
one.
- 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's
genetic.
- 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell
us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best
how to do it, just do it yourself.
- 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
to say during commercials. Especially if you want us to remember
any of it.
- 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
and neither do we.
- 1. The relationship is never going to be like it
was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And
quit whining to your girlfriends.
- 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin
is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
- 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
- 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but
it is just not worth the hassle.
- 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
- 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine. Really.
- 1. You have enough clothes. In fact, far too many.
- 1. You have too many shoes.
- 1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless
it's some flick where it doesn't really matter what the heck
they're saying anyway.)
- 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to
take the magazine quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which
quiz.
- 1. Football is as exciting for us as handbags are
for you.
- 1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
- 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have
to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really
don't mind that, it's like camping.
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