Short Tales
Let's go for stupid:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She
asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied with a snort, "No ma'am, they're
dead."
Caught for speeding:
The cop got out of his car and went over to the other vehicle.
The kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well... I got here as fast as
I could!"
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on
his way without a ticket.
Drunk?
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot
on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and
said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk".
The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure
I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's
go."
Obviously relieved, the wino said "That! 's a relief
- I thought I was a cripple."
Dealing with trouble:
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom
disturbance.
The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six
feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted
that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape
artist--- probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded proudly.
"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you
could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is
a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can
break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four
minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" The deputy asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I
can't do it."
"In that case," said the deputy, "You're under
arrest."
Too Late:
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car
parked and walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" Asked the
officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said decisively,
with a heavy-browed frown.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?"
the cop asked.
"My wife," muttered the man.
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