Three Things Proven To Change The Course Of Thanksgiving

1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."
   
   
2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught," and refuse to say anything more.
   
   
3. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms. Request that she bring photos.

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