Truths For The New Year
- If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've
never tried before.
- My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life
is serious.
- It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government
program.
- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need
the trip.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel
so good.
- Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
- Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
- No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
- A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
- Middle age is when a broad mind and a narrow waist change
places.
- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
- Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three
weeks before you need it.
- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize
a mistake when you make it again.
- By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
- Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
- Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to
the real world.
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